Thank you for reading my post...I am seeking advice from those with experience with this disease. I understand from reading previous threads that opinions differ substantially when it comes to HD and it's affects to personality and behaviour.

It seems that everone has very different experiences and advice when it comes to choosing to stay with an HD positive partner, whether pre-symptomatic, or nearing final stages. It seems also that the opinions of living with an HD partner differ so much; stay and be strong and supportive of your loved one until the very end (besides, ANYone of us on ANY given day could die of an accident or get cancer in the near or distant future) OR, get out as soon as humanly possible as it will only get worse, it will end up being the death of YOU, and you have to look out for "number one". I think both ways sometimes. More often I think I'm here to stay, yet as of just very recently, my mind is beginning to wonder...

There are just a few things I am so unsure of which make me so scared; scared to leave the love of my life, but also scared to lose myself in this whole HD battle.

My boyfriend is not symptomatic yet, or so I thought. We found out last year he is positive for HD with a CAG of 40 (and this low count is the main reason for me doubting HD is the cause of his bad behaviour). Soon after the diagnosis is when he started getting crazy, nasty, insensitive, extremely selfish and jealous. I won't get into any of the details about back then, but recently he has become an extremely mean control freak, and EVERYthing I do is WRONG.

Our living situation has changed. Last year I was living 5 hours away, and now we are living in the same house. Perhaps it is the change that has made us both edgy; we are both in our 30's and for the most part of our lives been very independent. Now we are both having to make significant adjustments in our lives, as well as deal with this disease and try to plan for our future. We are from different cultures, races, and countries; so there is a language barrier on top of everything else. What's keeping me is the hope that if we find out where the meanness is coming from, we can treat it accordingly. OR if he is just a jerk for real, and will do nothing to treat or change his behaviour, or make no attempt to work out our issues, then I will know to leave!

Some people advise that "it's not him/ her, it's the HD", and THAT is what I am struggling with...who, or what, to "blame it on". In my case, I don't believe it's HD. Deep down, I do not believe my boyfriend is a total insensitive selfish jerk at heart either, but perhaps I am finding out his true colours! On the other hand, I do wonder where his attitude and meanness comes from sometimes! And it's mean so that to hurt me, deep down, and I'm getting to the point where I feel I have HD! All I want to sleep, and I cry for days on end when he's in a bad mood. I feel I am worthless, nothing I do is right or good or of any use, my life means nothing to anyone, and the only thing that keeps me from ending my life is my mother.

I don't want to be put down; I don't want to be taken advantage of or for granted; I don't want to feel my life is worthless; I don't want to sleep or cry anymore.
If I can be a little more sure, as I realize nothing can be 100%, that the behaviour is from HD, I could cope better. If he is just using the disease as an excuse to be mean, then I won't stand for that.

Can we really blame everything on HD!? Meanness, fatigue, behaviour, sadness, frustration, memory, compassion, sore body parts, stomach/ urinary/ problems, diarrhea, eyesight, depression, impatience, smell, touch, desire, love for life. All of these things could very well be affected by external conditions; I mean I don't have HD and I feel many of these symptoms often (lately).

So - can this be a matter of determining whether he is asymptomatic with stress and frustration from knowing his diagnosis, or is it the symptoms from the disease that is making him mean, frustrated, angry and depressed. Is this his "onset"? He is only 34 and CAG is only 40...if these are symptoms of onset, can I expect to deal with this behaviour for another 10+ years until his physical symptoms show!? There are a few members on this site who have experience with HD after 50+ years of age, and I wonder, how long have they lived with someone with such personality issues before physical onset. Is getting a CAT scan, or other, useful in determining the cause of his bad behaviour?

I can appreciate the fact that no one has any real firm answers regarding this disease and the symptoms (varying case by case) that develop from it. Also, I am not looking for someone to make my decision for me, although it would be very nice (I think sometimes) if someone else would just make up my mind for me! I just want some insight so I can hopefully come to understand what's happening around me then make my decision.

I think, from reading your post, that he is dealing with the diagnosis very badly. It has only been a year since he was tested and got the result back. Add to that that you have gone from being 5 hours apart to being under the same roof.

Ok, you love him. My suggestion is to move out. I know that is much easier to say than to do. Maybe even just go and visit your old home for a week or two. I don't think, at his age, that the psychological part of the disease is really affecting him. But then again, I have read alot of things that say CAG does not predict the onset of symptoms.

Probably it would be a good idea for you to take a break from each other. Tell him he needs to get his act together and /or get some help or you are outta there.

I wish I could help more. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

jennie-

Im still reeling from my sibling's diagnosis about 18 months ago. I agree with Fevre that this could be a coping or adjustment period of selfishness, or perhaps him unconsciously driving you away.

I cant really advise you to stay or go - your life is important, your happiness is important, but so is your boyfriends.

Is counseling an option? A trained professional would probably be able to dispel some of the tension and/or perhaps see if anti-anxiety or anti-depressants may be in order here for one or both of you.

And just for complexity's sake: my symptomatic high cag (49) brother has had no issues with meanness or aggression at the age of 36. His movement is a bit affected but he can still do everything for himself, although his handwriting is shit. he has a bit of exercise compulsion and can occasionally fixate on stuff. Otherwise he is very loving and supportive and actually easy going (as long as you don't screw with his exercise time or eating time).

My low cag (41 and asymptomatic at 66) parent HAS HAD those issues in the 30's, and somehow faded them out in 40's and 50's and now generally sweet and easy in 60's. A few times per year there can be some arguments (mostly unreasonable) that fade after a day or two.

jennie1977 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> There are just a few things I am so unsure of
> which make me so scared; scared to leave the love
> of my life, but also scared to lose myself in this
> whole HD battle.


I'm no expert but your feelings and reactions are probably pretty normal. Counseling may be a great avenue and time away as suggested may also help. Sounds like you don't want to leave but circumstances make you wonder. I'd bet he's having a lot of stress over the daignosis and if he's seen others with HD it's probably worse. I doubt anyone wants to go through the things you are going through. Sounds like you don't want to go but the two of you aren't on the same page for whatever reason. Don't forget the issues may be from HD, something else or a combination. You are under a lot stress as well. I was on an anti-depressant prior to diagnosis as I was symptomatic and didn't know it. My therapist said she didn't know what I would have done if not for the medication. It's a load for both of you. Personally when I think or feel a certain way now I ask myself if it's the HD. If my wife thinks it she doesn't say. I don't know if my rambling will help but give counseling some thought.
Mike

I think you are mischaracterizing the two camps of significant others - stay until the end and get out now. Of course there are people who learn that their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend has tested positive or even is at risk and immediately decide to end the relationship. I haven't actually met any of these people nor do they post here. That's because they are not part of the HD community. I have met their former significant others so I know it happens, but I haven't met them.

Within the HD community there are SOs whose reaction to the news of a positive test is to say I love this person and I will stay with them to the end and there are SOs whose reaction is that they hope they can stay to the end but don't know if that will be possible. The initial response is not predictive of future behavior. Sometimes people in the first group wind up leaving the relationship and trying to help at a distance (I fall into that category because I wasn't safe any more) and sometimes people in the second group are able to take care of their loved on to the end. Sometimes the person with HD decides on the divorce (my husband Steve's first wife had HD and she divorced him and he couldn't stop her). It is really unfair of you to say that a caregiver who leaves the relationship is 'looking out for number one,' not when these decisions are made reluctantly, after years of caregiving and difficult times.

The people here are sometimes criticized for frank advice given to SOs who are asking whether or not they should stay in the relationship. I think the criticism is misplaced. Decisions in the HD community are usually difficult (do I want to test, should I get a feeding tube, etc.) but there is one value that we have established here - a caregiver and children in the household have a right to be safe. If violence cannot be managed through medication, then people should get out of the relationship. It helps no one to stay including the person with the disease. If that sounds awful to anyone, so be it.

We also know that HD is a difficult disease for everyone. Life will get hard for the person with the disease and for the caregiver. When a person is beginning a relationship with someone who already has the disease and there are troubling symptoms, it is almost certainly not going to work. There are several reasons for this. One is that it is very important to know who the person with HD really is so you can separate the individual from the disease. Here's an example. I despise people who like to hurt animals. It's an indication of bad character and a deal breaker for me. My first husband used to stop his car and move turtles out of the road. After he got sick I caught him trying to swerve and hit squirrels. Had he been like that when we were dating there would have been no second date but I knew it was disease because I knew his character. It was something that could be dealt with with medication and by reminding him that violent behavior (to people or to animals) was beyond what I was willing to deal with.

Second, patterns of living are very important in HD families. People with HD depend on predictable routines. I always advise caregivers to start as you mean to go on. For example, caregivers should keep their own interests and hobbies. If you like going to a quilting group or playing racquetball with your buddies once a week, keep doing it, don't establish a pattern of being with your loved one 24/7 except for work because then when you need a break it will be upsetting. If you are beginning a relationship in chaos because the other person's symptoms are causing problems, neither one of you is going to have a happy life.

Third, all relationships depend upon trust. It is very important that the person with HD be able to trust that you have his or her best interests at heart because there will come a day when judgment is impaired and the caregiver will have to be the executive personality in the relationship. (this by the way, is often a critical point for caregivers and can lead to clinical depression when the caregiver is in denial). If you have the HD gene and you do not feel that you can trust your future caregiver to do what is best for you when you cannot make your own decisions, then you need to get out of the relationship. I have a good friend with HD who correctly perceived that that was the case and got a divorce. Further, if the relationship is so new that a foundation of trust cannot be established, it is not going to work.

It is my sense that the advice given to people asking the question is specific to the information given, not a blanket statement of opinion that everyone should leave a relationship or everyone should stay when the loved one develops HD. For example, there was someone here in a new relationship with someone in an early stage of HD. He was already accusing her of taking money from him when she had done no such thing. She would get him to go over his bank accounts and ask him just when he withdrew a large sum of money to loan her and he couldn't find it but then he would accuse her again later. Also, he didn't like to be around her minor children. Everyone advised her that the relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because it wasn't going to work, because her children have to come first, not because her boyfriend didn't deserve love and didn't deserve to have a caregiver. Friendship is a different story, but that marriage wasn't going to work.

You are telling us that you have moved in with someone who has become a mean, jealous control freak. Could that be HD despite the low count? Absolutely it could. Could that be his true character? Could be. Could he be behaving badly because he's unhappy about a positive test. Possibly. You don't know because you haven't been with him long enough to really know his character. (which also means that you don't have years of wonderful memories to draw on during tough times if this is HD).

Does it really matter what is going on? If it's his character you don't want this man. If his normal response to adversity is to take his feelings out on someone he loves, you don't want this man. If it's HD then it's not his fault but you are establishing a pattern of living that is intolerable. No one should be abused, not verbally or physically. And clearly there is no pattern of trust on his part to build a life on. Nor on yours, for that matter, because you cannot trust him to treat you well. And from his perspective, if he is convinced, however, delusional that may be, that you are cheating on him and cannot be trusted to manage your own life and need micromanagement from him, then he isn't going to be happy with you either.

Jennie, Marsha has made some very compelling points. As the saying goes "been there, done that". Marsha's post enlightened me to another aspect of HD in her life that I wasn't aware. I trust her insight and suggest you carefully read her response. She is very well versed in our world. Personally, I am different from many, yet I am the first HD person in my family. She has been an immeasurable help to my family. There is no clear answer.
Mike

Jennie yes please listen to Marsha, she said it very well.

Let me tell you tho that I met my HD hubby 13 years ago and got married 9 months after we met, 12 years later we find he has HD. I have lived in hell for 12 years, tried to kill myself one time within the first year of the marriage because he was able to continually hurt me so deeply that I couldn't think anymore. He was a jerk, an ASS, hurt me in ways verbally that I could not comprehend how someone who says they love you could say and do such things.

When I was at work he would sit in the car across the street and if a man went into the store I was working at I could hear him yelling to me that I was a whore and etc...I was too weak to think that this was a bad relationship, had I been a stronger person I would have left.

Now in the marriage 12 years I can honestly say I only have a small hand full of good memories, mostly I have hated my life with my hubby. He was only diagnosed 3 months ago with HD, and since then it is an entirely new hell. A lot of the same insults arise, like if I am on the computer and he comes into the room if I am clicking on the mouse then I am trying to hide something from him, then again he loves me so much. Since his diagnosis, he has gotten worse, he pouts a lot and now he can't do anything, like take out the trash and if I ask him to do something well he just cant, he doesn't want to, it might hurt him, he is too tired, on and on, I am alone.

I sleep in another room and have for almost 6 months because of his shaking and getting up and down in the night so much I wasn't getting enough sleep but he says I sleep in another room because I don't love him. I kiss him and hug on him all the time and I also stay with him 24/7, I don't work now because I am his full time caregiver, I am always confused as to if I can move left or right? will it be the wrong move and it will set him off? I do not have any friends anymore, no one has come to my home in so many years because he listens to us talking and uses it against me later so I don't invite them, and then there is those who just don't want to be a part of the HD life and choose not to talk to me anymore. I have taken on a new attitude and I just do what I do. Was he like this (mean) so many years ago because of the HD or was he just a jerk?

I am here to make sure he is safe, make sure he is fed, we are having trouble in that way too. I am in it for the long haul BECAUSE WE ARE MARRIED, if I knew 13 years ago my life would be hell and that I would never have one complete happy day I would not have married him !!!!!!! Of course I feel compassion, I care for him, I don't believe anyone deserves HD, it is awful and I am trying to make sure his HD goes as smooth as possible !!

I have power of attorney to help him when he can't help himself. Jeannie does he have family? will you be able to be in control of him and his assets when he can't? I wish I knew how lonely my life was going to be before I married this man. Girl no one will think bad of you if you go gracefully, you have not made a commitment to this man yet. Then again are you big enough to stand by him for maybe 20 years of abuse? Because I see so much of myself in you, I feel for you so much. Go to my page on here "what am I dealing with daily" you can read some of the things I have been going through.

Much Love!!!!

Marlyssa-
I am so sorry you are going through what you are going through. If your husband is not on any medications for his behavior he should be and
if he is you should talk to his doctor as they can change medications to help.
I have been married for over 40 years to a person who has HD. When we were younger I endured some behavior I shouldn't have
had to but nothing like you are going through. I did not know how HD could affect a person and now I look back and wonder if it wasn't
the HD. However, he was put on an antidepressant at that time and life changed 100% for the better for us.
There are so many medications out there that can help and it just takes finding the right one. It could make life so much better for both
of you.
I, like you, feel once I married it was for better or worse. It could have been me that had issues and I have no doubt he would have stayed
with me. That being said, your husband needs to get some help because you should not be subjected to constant abuse. There is help
and he needs to be told that either he gets help or you cannot stay. A psychiatrist would be a good step and you could talk to the psychiatrist
before appt time to let him/her know what is going on. There is help out there.
Take care of yourself
Shar

Wow. I came out here today looking for something positive. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We have had good and bad. This week has been bad. He treats me like a slave and then tells me I need to take better care of him. When I say I just want some appreciation and compassion - I am losing my house, my parents dog died, my older kids have had their own issues - one was in a mental hospital for 2 weeks the other won't acknowledge I exist anymore - he says what do you want from me I am a "dead man". I try to do everything he asks. I get back - you're slow, you're fat, you're a slut and so on. I am beginning to think he is incapable of loving anyone. Just how much do I have to sacrifice? How much is too much? Is there any hope at any happiness?

First of all - Wow! Thank you for all of your insightful responses. It has been maybe a year since I've been reading this community forum, and have been too depressed to write, or my situation changes with my boyfriend, so I put off writing until...now. I can see this being like a talk thereapy session for everyone living with this horrible disease, and I am glad to share stories and insights with all of you!

I realize that I have left out a lot of the details about my situation. It has taken me some time to respond, especially this week since we have not spoken, and the internet connection is in "his area" of the house so I don't want to bother him about it.

I believe yes, Fevre, that he is dealing with the diagnosis very badly. I thought the same as you, we need a break from this adjustment to just cool our jets, take a step back and look at the situation as a whole, rather than every little nit-picky thing. He has told me to leave on quite a few occasions, the last being where I had a contract nearly finalized with a real estate company, but needed a co-signer. I asked him to co-sign, and he said he didn't want me to leave, as well that he would never sign it anyway because he doesn't trust me... I stayed, yet I'm still so confused; why ask someone to leave, then have them back, only because you do not trust them!? This time, it's been almost a week since we've spoken to each other (because I went out of town for work and I'm a liar and a bad person) so moving out has become more of a realization, but it would be for longer term, if not forever perhaps. My family is on the other side of the world, so I cannot immediately go to them.

On Noreaster's and Mikee's comments about counselling, I wish, but I doubt he will go for it. He has said before that he would consider going, but I think he is just so depressed that he doesn't care enough about himself to help himself. If and when we do get over this bout of silence, I will suggest it for the both of us.

Marlyssa, I do believe we definitely are on the same page, although my boyfriend is not as far into his symptomatic stages as your husband, meaning he has no physical symptoms yet. I have read your posts, and you are in my thoughts, truly.

Aloneandscared, you and me too... the mental and emotional abuse is overwhelming. Seriously though, I really do believe it's me! I believe I am a bad person. I believe I am the one with lifestyle problems. I believe I should be the one to change. I would like to chat more with you if you would.

On Marsha's comments, thank you. Actually, I was secretly hoping you would respond to me, because I understand that you are both medically, and personally experienced (I would like to call you an expert). Especially for your example about the incidents with the turtle and the squirrel. It was very relative to my question, and coincides exactly with what I am asking.
I do apologize about mis-characterizing any one or two or more groups, I was simply trying to make my already long post as short as possible. I guess my wording wasn't detailed or accurate enough...I had written "...stay and be strong... OR ...get out now...", and what I should have written was: It seems that the opinions of staying with an HD partner differ so much; ANYwhere on a spectrum FROM "stay and be strong and supportive of your loved one until the very end" ...TO "get out as soon as humanly possible..." and all of there other various cases in between. I am sorry for my poor writing skills.
Also, I apologize for not being clear...the comment I made about ''...looking out for number one..." was supposed to have been a quote from PREVIOUS posts on this community; there were other topics posted about staying or leaving, and some individuals had very strong opinions as to "...get out immediately..." and "...look out for number one...". There seems to be a wide range of reasons for staying or leaving, and that was just one opinion I read of and chose to use in my post. I can't even begin to fathom all of the different feelings and emotions individuals go through when deciding whether to stay or leave.
As for my "patterns", well I have had to take up hobbies in new places since I am in a new town. Problem is now that when I start something new, like taking language or craft class, or go hiking on the weekends, even go for a jog without him, he thinks I'm fooling around with guys.

I do not want to sound selfish or sarcastic by any of what I say, but do my interests count? To him I mean. It's as if he doesn't care about how I have been dealing with the diagnosis. Since then he has been mean and nasty, and I have been doing all of the crying! He doesn't realize, or even take the time to ask, how I am dealing with it! Horribly! Devastated! I cannot say I know how he feels either, but I am doing my best to accommodate his emotions. THAT is why I am writing, because I love him and AM ready to work with him on this disease. BUT, if he will not work with me; if he will not do anything to help improve the situation (admit he is mean rather than tell me I am the mean one, go for counselling alone and/ or together, seek medical treatment) then I will be incabable to care for myself, let alone him (and it seems many other people in this community can attest to that).

Again, from reading other posts, often times the HD person and the partner work together on treating the disease, almost all of you mention about medication. That in itself says that you are working together, and that in some way the HD person is at least trying. The opposite is for my case. Once he starts talking to me again, we have some serious chatting about getting treatment, or at least seeing a doctor here, which he hasn't done yet. BUT, and especially after considering all of insights on my question, overall, it really does sound as though this relationship is inevitably not going to work out.
My problem is that he's been saying those exact words since the diagnosis. Because he has this pre-conceived notion that it will not work, how can it!? If he already "knows I will leave him", how can I make him believe otherwise!? How can I help him!? I just don't get it...It's been a year and a half, HE was the one who asked ME to move in together!

I feel as though I am the only one who can help him, yet at the same time I feel I am ruining his life by staying with him, as he only seems miserable around me. Of course there are good times quite often; when we go out exercising, joking around, eating, driving together, or times he tucks me in bed and cooks huge dinners to make sure I eat well. Especially times he says he has all he needs right now, and could never ask for anything more. That is what I hold onto.

I'm afraid of is his well-being (most of the time I could care less about mine!) because I think he has issues with depression. I want to help him. He has seen and experienced happy times (with and without me), but he always says they are only temporary and that I will leave him one day anyway. He wonders why I'd want to stay with someone like him, but I've done so much to prove that I want to stay! He doesn't care about anything, himself the least. His parents have not taken any steps at facing this disease because I think they feel so alone too, and his sister, with 2 babies has NO idea what is going on. His grandmother has it bad in her final stages (I have not met her) and I do believe seeing her makes it worse for him, and puts more doubt on the idea of me staying with him. His dad has had physical symptoms, weight loss an mild chorea since he was in his late 50's and refuses to get treatment. I'm afraid my boyfriend has chosen the same path, and he's already said he will commit suicide instead of becoming debilitated from this disease. He believes he is alone, and always will be. I think if I leave, he will chose that route sooner than later. I am so frightened and sad, mostly because I do not want him to feel so alone and nearing the end, when he is such a young and wonderful man. I want to believe there is so much hope, and I just wish he would feel the same!

I do feel I over-react to situations. I feel insecure and shouldn't - I am trying to change. And I totally relate to everything you are saying and feeling. It is hard being around someone who is impossible to please. I try to understand how he feels. He feels his life is over - but when have any of us been promised a tomorrow? I wish he had never gone for the testing. His grandmother and father both died from HD but his grandmother was in her 70's and his dad was 69. He is only 46. He has good years left if he wasn't so bitter all the time. He has alienated everyone else and has no one - which probably is some of the resentment toward me. I have been going thru a lot of other personal stuff to which has made my emotions unstable. We do have good times together they are just getting further apart. I would like to chat more with you. My email is aburnsmeister@gmail.com if you want to talk outside the forum - I don't always remember to check out here. Talking about it with others in similiar situations really seems to help - I guess it helps to know I am not the only one dealing with these issues.

I hate to say this...based on the limited experience I have with HD...it sounds like your boyfriend is manifesting some of the psychological symptoms of the disease. I have been dealing with similar incidents with my son's father. We broke up before I found out I was pregnant, we weren't together very long. After I found out I was pregnant, he accused me of sleeping around and told me the child wasn't his. Weeks would go by and I would hear nothing from him. At 8 months pregnant, I finally found out about the HD. My son (my life!) was born a month later. Father was told but chose not to visit. Ugh! I could go on and on ( read my other posts and post by salamandah to get the whole story) but long story short, he is back in our lives now and accusing me of all kinds of strange things like calling the police on him and having a boyfriend. Anyway...accusations, strange statements, anger, unreasonableness, seem to go right along with HD. It could not be HD but I would be more inclined to think that it is. I don't know if things can get better. i tried many times to have conversations with Father about HD. He told me his brain was rotting and there was nothing that could be done after I suggested he look into medicines and clinical trials.

The only comfort I find out here is that I am not alone. FevreDream - the accusations anger and unreasonableness never seem to go away. There are times when I think he just wants me to hurt - and if I cry it makes him all the more angry. He refuses all the meds - feels if it wont cure him or slow it down it isn't worth it

Jennie I didn't read all the post but I do have a suggestion. If your boyfriend isn't willing to go to an appointment could you try telling him you are going, invite him if he wants.....no pressure. Take yourself regardless and perhaps there will be some advice or he will realize you are serious and perhaps go with you on a subsequent visit......just an idea.....best of luck.......
Mike

Best of luck to all of you. I consider myself very lucky because my husband didn't start displaying symptoms until he was in his forties, and by that time we had close to 15 years of a happy marriage under our belt. When he was diagnosed, it took us both a couple years and a great deal of pain and sorrow for my husband, my kids, and myself to come to terms with the disease. His previous personality was introverted, kind, and very easygoing. Now he can be agressive and verbally abusive at times, and always is self centered and concerned with only his wants and needs, which is not fun when he wakes the family up at 2:00 AM because he is cold and wants to find a specific blanket that we must get for him. We've learned to distance ourselves and try not to take any of his actions personally. The more agitated he becomes, the more we slow down, soften, and control our responses to him. We work closely with his doctor on monitoring his meds to keep him as calm as possible without turning him into a zombie. He can no longer work or drive, and we try to keep him on the same schedule day after day.
What has saved our family has been our return to church and prayer on a regular basis. I remind myself daily that there's a reason I was chosen to go through this with my husband. God had faith in me that I would be the best person to take care of him and our children and He gives me the strength every day I need to get through this. I know that not everyone believes in God, but I pray that you are all able to find the support and care that you need to get through this.

Thank you Mike for the suggestion...wish me luck, and let us hope he signs up for it too!

I think unfortunately that his bad behaviour is coming from the HD, and lack of trust/ jealousy is natural and has always been apparent...I tried to be patient with the jealousy thing because I respected his idea that people have to prove themselves first before trusting them, which is opposite of my idea which is to trust until you have a sure reason not to. I thought that by living in the same house the jealousy would eventually fade away, since he could see clearly on a daily basis that indeed I am not doing anything wrong.

As for the meanness, that I choose to believe is a symptom. I know lots of people who live with diseases such as MS, breast cancer, osteo-dysplasia, brain tumor(s) and others who are at 50% risk of developing Alzheimer's. A very dear friend of mine lived in so much pain from lupus, and she never went a day without a huge smile on her face. She never complained about the limitations that lupus put on her life, nor ANY of her pain, including her 3rd hip replacement! These people I know/ knew wouldn't hurt a fly, and never complain/ed about their limitations how it affects their lives. They don't/ didn't blame other people for anything that went wrong around them, and they never put anyone else down. So I'm leaning towards believing meanness especially, and some other behavioural issues, must be symptoms of HD.

In my case I believe there is not one thing to blame, but many factors.

Now I have to decide for myself why God chose this path for me.

Thank you so much for sharing all of your situations...it has been so helpful.

Jennie I am so glad there was something here to help. That is why we've all been brought together, to share, to question and live as well as love. I can attribute the majority of my knowledge about HD to this forum and it's members and moderators. Yes, many things can come into play with any situation whether illness or strife. Hang in there. It sounds as if you are committed and you want to ride this out. Best of luck in finding answers.
Mike