Angela added an interesting entry to her blog recently that to me describes the worst case scenario between a caregiver and the one they care for.

[survivinghuntingtons.blogspot.com]

My situation with my wife was similar in that there was total denial and atrocious behavior but there the similarity ends. We always knew that she was full of love and just wanted a job, friends, and to be driving (not too much to ask is it?) There were several times I could sit and think "Now that's the girl I married."

I feel in these situations that for the sake of the continued mental, physical and emotional health of the caregiver there MUST be physical separation. What would you recommend for Angela?

Steve

Does Angela's mom live with her or somewhere else?

If it is somewhere else then it sounds like Angela needs to step back and take care of herself first. She has a family and friends and a life of her own.

My mom was docile and loving. She had her tantrums occassionally but that was it. My uncle had the temper and meanness but I only saw him once a year. I have not had to deal with this side so it is very hard to imagine what it must be like to feel the way Angela is.

I hope she can find a way to find peace with herself.

Stacy-NJ

Whatever their actual situation, Angela has to try and live her own life. You can only help a person only up to a point.

And i've said it before: If you're not good for yourself then you cant't be good to any one else. That sounds simple but I know it isn't. It takes a lot of courage to turn away from people of whom you think they need your help. But on the other hand it might give those people a reason to think about themselves.

In Angela's case I think she has suffered from her mother's behaviour since she was a little girl. I would definitely advise her to do some counselling. Might change her life for the good and she would not be on her own. She could use some support

It looks like she's going it alone. And it looks like she's taking all of it pretty personally.

And she's scared.

What I would suggest is for her to get somebody from the outside to help her. She needs to take a look at ways to reduce stress in her personal life too.

Having someone come in and just help get groceries is a huge burden off your shoulders.

Having stress removed for a while helps too.

As far as her mother, well, that situation will change over time.

How about just running away from it all? You know, this all really sucks. That's how I feel.

sorry for my post. I am just not in a good mood these days.

GCT - I see nothing wrong with wanting to run away. I live near the airport and I find myself watching the planes take off and think, those people are going far, far away, I wish it was me! I have been told a lot lately not to worry about feelings because feelings aren't "wrong" or "bad", they're just feelings. And, personally, I think you are right, HD sucks all the way around for everybody involved, period.

I hope you feel better soon.

Linda

Linda,
Thanks. It does suck all the way around for everyone. I don't necessarily think my feelings are bad or wrong. I just didn't want to hurt anyone else by saying that. I appreciate your post.

I think sometimes we need to walk away for our own safety, whether that's physical, mental or emotional. It's about valuing ourselves and giving ourselves permission. But it's hard.

Dee

Please tell me that you arent tearing your own life apart to care for your Mom...let others do for her.

Apple

There was a post on the HDlighthouse forum from Sue that highighted an article on the Guardian published yesterday that discussed the challenges that parents have who have passed on debilitating diseases to their children. The article includes a post from Angela_F who is the author of the post that we are discussing on this thread.

[www.guardian.co.uk]

I thought you might like to read it.

Steve

I know it is very hard at times. The best thing is to get away for short periods of time. I still work so that helps in my case. Something I always think of when the going gets tough is that one time my husband said "I didn't ask for this" (Meaning the HD) Then, I think of how tough it is for the person with HD and he didn't ask for the HD.
No one does. I also think of the song's verse "People, who need people are the luckiest people in the world" and we all need each other so we are very lucky to have each other - especially on this HD site.

Stevei and Angela
I have spent some time reading through angelas blog and the artical you put up...when reading angelas blog i felt like i was reading parts of my own life...some parts are very different...but there are some strong themes that i could relate to throughout the blog

I read from the start of the blog where angela has ten reasons why she cares for her mum and why she will fight huntingtons, i felt these where really beautiful...and i have my own ten reasons for why i hang in there with my own mum...

Sometimes i feel that there has to be a way for children of a parent with hd to stay connected with there parent without having the full responsabilty or impact of hd...i know for myself i have had to pull back and look at things differently because the amount of energy i was putting into my mum outweighed the benifits it was really offering her...

by pulling back and not doing so much has required an amount of letting go...which isnt an easy thing to do...it doesnt mean i have abondoned her or dont love her anymore..it just means that i have had to find some space to live my own life without the constant worry of my mum...which is alot easier said than done

especailly when there are the memories of what they once where and i know how strongly i want to keep hold of those...its kind of like stepping back means being ungrateful for all they have ever done, however i dont believe this to be true anymore...however i do have to keep reminding myself at times.

i think its important to remember the ten..or hundred...reasons why you love her...but let someone else deal with the hd...your mum before hd wouldnt have wanted this for you...so if there is anyway to step back and let others care for her more, then maybe thats where your journey with hd is up to...and it doesnt mean you dont love her...it just means that your life is just as important as hers and youve come as far as you can with what you can offer her... or maybe even the amount that you offer her.

Michelle



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2007 03:41AM by Michelle.