I know from reading about the anger of HD but I need support now that I have become the target of it . My ex-husband was diagnosed about 9 months ago. He is the first in the family so this is all pretty new. When he was diagnosed, i started caring for him. He was living alone in an apartment and that was not going well. I was able to help him get insurance, disability and then helped him move to assisted living recently. Our relationship had been pretty good but it has really gone downhill. He sends angry text messages about things that are not even relevant (like he told me not to drop the kids off without calling first but they are driving and in college and he hasn't had any organized visitation for a long time). He tells untrue stories about me both to professionals and to our children. He then turns around and asks if I would consider going to marriage counseling. ( We have been divorced for 3 years and that occurred before we knew about the HD).
If I am nice to him, he gets the wrong idea. I have told him in the past, that I cannot be his emotional support. He has a counselor, a couple of social workers and church connections. When I am just business like rather than friendly and supportive, he gets mad. I sometimes get triggered and get pretty angry too. The HD is making us all crazy people.
I will remain his advocate for now an continue to manage his finances etc. (he has no one else, really) I have to figure out where to set the boundaries. Maybe I should ask the court to appoint a guardian? His older kids live far away. Our 3 kids are so young (15,18,20) to take on this responsibility. Our kids try to maintain a relationship with him but he makes it really hard. If I stop orchestrating things, his relationship with our children will probably end too. I guess I have to be ok with that.
Thanks for listening.

I'm in the same boat.Hd runs in her family,she is not diagnosed as of yet but she acts the same way.Telling our daughter stuff that's not true,telling relatives I was hitting her,basically saying everything is my fault,no matter the situation. It gets frustrating to say the least,trying to talk to her is hard because if she isn't verbally attacking me then she is acting like a kid with a very careless attitude or vague responses like "I don't know" or "I don't care". Hang in there,even though we don't have a diagnosis this board has helped alot.They are alot of helpful people on here that helped me cope.

First, as a person with HD, I would like to say thanks so much for not running out on them. That says something about you as a person and although I don't know either of you I appreciate you.

All of us don't experience the same symptoms and although I experience some anger issues I don't think I have gotten to that point and I am thankful.

Just want to say thank you.......


Mike

Thanks Mike and Chicago_t. It is good to know someone out there understands.

Jaylyn,

Good for you for helping your x-husband! I feel so sorry for those with HD with no one to help. It sounds like it may be time to step out now though. You've got him set up in a good place and he is being taken care of. Talk to the assisted living facility and let them set up an account that all his finances will go into. They can take out for what he owes them every month and leave the rest in an account for him to use for activities or services like hair cuts. Get books and do lots of research and print things up for your kids. Make them read it! Then, encourage a continuing relationship as long as it is emotionally and physically safe. Remember "he" (your x) is not making things difficult - HD is. They do not have the capacity to think rationally. Its kind of like dealing with an alcoholic (except the person with HD didn't choose this). You have to realize they don't know what they are saying and the "real" them would not do and say the mean and hurtful things they are saying. Make sure he isn't on too many meds or bad combinations too. That really had my mother in law messed up. Once we discontinued and lowered and switched meds, she was much better. Very nice now. You said this is new for you. Do you realize that all his kids have a 50/50 chance of also having HD?

I am going through something similar but, regrettably, I had to run like hell. My wife became dangerous and started to smear me among family, friends and neighbours. I wasn't coping well and, consequently, developed reactive disorders - anxiety, depression, etc. she was accusing me of all sorts - to my face and behind my back. My family members deserted me. My friends deserted me. I had nowhere to go. I just ran and had to leave 3 kids behind in a terribly dysfunctional house. Now she is trying to alienate me and the kids. Awful stuff. There is no diagnosis and I'm not aware of a family history. Subtle movements are progressing but the psychiatric issues are bordering on dangerous. I've been told that I should stay clear of her as I am open to accusation. She already tried to pin domestic violence on me. Didn't work. Kids are really suffering desperately.

Need help!!!!!

Nalo, I too had to run like hell, same situation as you. As much as I would of liked to stay and help I had to take my daughter out of that situation. Still no diagnosis, she was telling people that I was abusive including my own family.I ask her simple questions about our daughter and she says she is calling the police on me for harassment, she constantly forgets things she has to do for my daughter and when I bring it up its all my fault still.If I try and mention HD Im still the bad guy for trying to get her help. The whole situation is very stressful and mind boggling. Hang in there!

Jaylyn, I think what you are doing is admirable. Before responding, I have some questions. Do the professionals helping to take care of him understand HD? Are they willing to learn more from HDSA publications (Understanding Behavior in HD is a great publication)? Most importantly, do they believe him when he makes false accusations against you or do they understand that it is the disease?

Nalo, I too had to run like hell, same situation as you. As much as I would of liked to stay and help I had to take my daughter out of that situation. Still no diagnosis, she was telling people that I was abusive including my own family.I ask her simple questions about our daughter and she says she is calling the police on me for harassment, she constantly forgets things she has to do for my daughter and when I bring it up its all my fault still.If I try and mention HD Im still the bad guy for trying to get her help. The whole situation is very stressful and mind boggling. Hang in there!