I just wanted to get everyones opinion.Why do you think that the anger in HD is directed towards the spouse?Do we trigger the anger in the phd? I don't really understand how you can act normal towards others but then be angry at your spouse for no reason.

I get the brunt of my 38 year old son's anger from HD, and I'm his Mom!! I am also confused by the selective nature of who they direct the anger towards............maybe someone should do a study on this to find out why.....it's bewildering!

I agree,janigirl. Most of the people I talked to and from my own experience it seems to be directed at mainly one person.

My guess is that is who they are closest to, spend the most time with, are comfortable with.
My father had cancer and toward the end any anger he had was directed at my mom.

I also can totally relate to this.....me and my two foster sons are my husband's target....we can do the smallest things and it will set him off...you can see more of my stories on here under "my story" he can get so mad over not being able to find the remote, and of course he thinks one of us lost it. or one sunday my 16 yr old set with us at church and not down front with the youth group and Donnie got mad. Sometimes we don't even know what sets him off he just goes off on us...I have talked to his dr about this and he said eventually he will be this way toward everyone. the dr also increase one of his medacines, and it has seemed to help lately.
Liz

Thanks for your input Liz,I really appreciate any insight.

So weird and hard to deal with.Yesterday out of no where she tells me my daughter f*cking hates me! I understand if she feels this way but to try and get 14 y.o. to feel how she does is insane.

I agree that it's the ones closest to the person with HD that gets the brunt of the abuse. It reminds me of when my kids were little and they would argue with each other and not listen to mom and dad, but when they went to grandma's or over a friends house, they were the sweetest little angels. What's up with that? Must be part of our human nature that we don't guard our feelings and reactions when we are with the people we are most comfortable with.

Thanks for your response,djcloc.I agree but it's still hard to understand how they can be so aggresive or mean towards a spouse or family member but normal towards others.

I am dealing with the same thing. Much of it I can deal with, although at times I struggle with determining whether it's him or HD.

The meanness is one thing, but what I don't understand is how can he criticise me, then turn around and do or say the exact same thing he accused me of! For example - he says I am mean and angry all of the time, after he just calls me stupid, says I don't know anything, then throws a basket of stuff at me!

What I have heard, read here, is that for the most part, they don't mean what they do, it's the disease that yes has some ability to target only one person, and that they take out all of their frustrations on the person closest to or spends most time with them.

Sucks to be us!

Yes it does suck! The worst thing I could do is point that out,you said this and did this.etc. I don't do it to put blame on her,I do it to and try and make her see what she is doing.If that makes sense. The ability to reason is out the door also.

Chicago, I also am going through torment with my HD hubby, he is so mean and speaks so evil to me but then when his adult kids are around

he is so nice and positive to them. I hurt all the time and have to fight with his kids that what their dad says about me (he talks behind my
back), is not true, he is now making them think I am moving out so all of them are ganging up on me to make me move out faster.

I am not moving out, I have no intention to move out but he tells them strange stories of made up things I do and they believe him.

I hear you Marlyssa,it makes me want to pull my hair out! If I ask her why she said yhese horrible things then it is my fault or like it was never said at all. Very very stressful.

I have heard this from some that say there is anger from the HD patient but I dont think it is directed toward you...luckily I have not seen it so much from my wife when she gets hard and stubborn I try to change the subject or mood. Every day is a struggle!! but remember its the disease
Rod

It is hard to be the one getting the anger and blame all the time and NOT take it personally. Yes it is the disease talking, but it is coming out of the mouth of the ones who need us the most, and we are desperate to help. Thankful you are able to turn it around in your house. We have in ours too, but I have had 22 years of as close to perfect as I can imagine to compare it to, so I can still separate the disease from the man I married. That isn't every one's case, but I am thankful to say the good parts are in the lead again with some medication changes.

Vicky

Thanks for the insight all,it's like dealing with two different people at times.Always changing things,saying one thing doing another.

Yes, it does hurt very much, whether we believe the disease or not, it's still coming from them and all we want to do is help, when they think complete opposite.

THAT is what has kept me I think...because I know deep down his love for me. But I wonder still if he only loves me because I can stay with him...he always says that. I don't want the fact that he knows I'll be a caregiver to be the reason of his love for me...that would make me leave!

Yes, being unable to hide his reactions, or put them tactfully, and the paranoia of me always leaving, is actually a deep fear probably. On the other hand, he totally hides his feelings towards me; it could be he's a man, or his HD, or his "wall".

Unfortunately, the only time I can get him to open up is when he's drinking! Which is hardly ever.

Thanks for sharing Jennie1977. I look at all the posts on here and it's almost like we are all going through the same thing.

I can tell you that in our case it has gotten much much better. Rusty was diagnosed in 2008. He had a few years of very violent behavior before that. Receiving his diagnosis helped in that we understood what was going on and he was also more accepting of taking meds. It did not at the time help completely, and his violence led to our being separated for a year. He was hospitalized at a state hospital, I thought he would never get out, but he stabilized, he was good at a group home on the way out, so we took a leap of faith that he would be able to live with me and the kids again. He has been back with us since the summer of 2010. We have had no further aggressions. Whether this is because of better med regime or if it is just progression to a new phase of the disease, we will never know. I am just happy to be able to have him with us and to know that we are able to give him the best life we can. He still has some OCD like behaviors, but they are (fairly) easy to accomodate.

Good luck. This will not be forever. I feel for what you are going through right now. Many of us can say we have been there.

Patty

Thanks for the insight and knd words Patty. I hope everything keeps calm for you and your family.