Hello,

I have been married to my wife for almost 7 years. We married young. We were both fairly religious when we married. After the honeymoon, things changed quickly. She didn't respect me, she was selfish, rude, physically and mentally abusive and withheld sex aside from manipulation. I thought of leaving her so many times and she had even thought of leaving me too. A few years ago we had it out pretty bad and we almost divorced but then reconciled and things got mildly better. This last year my wife found out that she is at risk for Huntington's. I'm worried that because we already have a troubled relationship that it can only get worse. We had been discussing divorce this whole year, but now she is blaming everything she has done on Huntington's and saying that I am leaving her because of her sickness. Maybe she is right but, If she had been good to me I would have taken care of her for the rest of her life. I already kind of do as she has had no real job and didn't really contribute to chores or cooking our whole marriage. I'm torn because I love her deeply, but I want out so badly. Any advice.

Has she been tested? If any of her parents carry the gene then she has a 50/50 chance of also being a gene carrier. If she tests positive to the disease then it may well have affected her personality as Huntingtons is Brain disease. Research the disease so you are aware of the symptoms, what it does to a person and those closest to them. If she infact does suffer from the disease she is in for a lot & she may, like she said have already been showing symptoms.

We are going to see a doctor today about it. Her dad did have it, but her mom didn't tell her until this year.

I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband and I divorced 2 years ago after 20 years of marriage and at least 10 years of him gradually doing less and less, erratic behavior, depression anxiety, addictions...you name it. Then, last month we found out that he had Huntington's. Now, I am back in the caregiver role. It is either that or our 3 teenagers would be caring for him alone and I am not going to allow that to happen. I am feeling guilty at times that I divorced him when he was really just sick. I admit I am also angry at times that I am in this role again. Very confusing emotionally. From what I have learned, this kind of relationship turmoil is all very common in famiilies like ours who are affected by this awful disease. I do think our relationship has improved knowing how this disease affects the brain and then finding ways to deal with it. Hang in there. There are many here who understand very well the pain you are feeling.

Thanks for posting when I married my husband 25 years ago same scenario, then we found out he had HD, here is the thing yes it would be a way out to leave and when people would say to me why do you stay with him , my reply was this .
If he had cancer would you leave , they have a terrible disease and there are medications to help with most things , so no get help and meds , do not leave .
Just this past week he told me the Bible was made up , I am well GFG is for Goofy for God so it was very hard for me, but God is bigger than anything this disease does.
May God bring you what you need to get through each day, the enemy is working hard to destroy right now so overcome, find your happy place and go there when it is hard, like Church.

Just like GFG, I've been married for over 25 years and had moments before my husband's diagnosis that I wanted to leave him. Once we found out, all the bad behaviors and changes in his personality made complete sense. What saved us, besides great meds, was our faith in God and our church community. I allowed myself to grieve for the loss of the husband I used to have and find peace and joy in taking care of him as he is now. I learned that it's not just God who can perform miracles, that in our prayers and kindness in caregiving, we can be miracle-givers to our loved ones too. Sounds corny, but I've been so at peace since I changed my way of thinking. They have no control over their symtoms, but we have total control over the way we react to them. I hope and pray you can find some peace in this whole situation and your wife is able to find good medical care and meds to help control her physical and psychological symptoms.

djcloc-
What profound thinking and way to look at things. It could be any of us with any illness/accident, etc.
I learned from your post. Very enlightening.
thank you.

Welcome Anon1.

Step back a bit and take a deep breath. Keep in mind you don't know what is going on at this point. Try to be patient, go through the testing and then take the next step for you and your wife. Keep in mind you want to put in place disability, life and health insurance prior to testing.

There are so many different presentations and just as many progressions. I am not discounting those who have replied but take one step at a time. Those who have replied have been through a lot and have a lot to offer.

I've been married to my second (and final) wife 20 years. She has been a trooper taking care of me.

Mike

Also God has shown me , maybe this disease is not just about my husband maybe it is about me and how I deal with things ,

I feel your pain. You need to start seeing some doctors. It sounds as if her behavior fits in the HD symptoms but it could very well not be. Start off by talking to her primary doctor and explaining she is at risk and never been tested. That's step one.
Keep up the hope and faith.
Christine

Welcome my friend...this life is a hard road and if she has HD it will only be harder, read my stuff and you will see what I and others are talking about "What I deal with daily" I had just married my man and on the honeymoon everything changed, 12 years later we found out he had HD.
I so wanted to divorce the mean person he became but like was said before would you divorce if she had cancer, I took a vow for better or WORSE, guess I got the latter.
I am in it for the long run, God bless you and I hope you make the right decision for you and her!!!