Hi there,
I am new to this forum, I live in the UK.
I am 35 (female), and have a 4 year old son. I am also at risk of HD - my mother died of the disease almost 20 years ago.
My dilemma is if I should test or not. I know I am of similar age that my own mum was when she started to show symptoms (she was 40 when diagnosed). I live in constant fear that I will develop the disease and my son will be left without a mum, just like me.
I have a history of depression (since 17 years), and recently my eye has been twitching constantly (about 2 months?). I have been very stressed thinking about all of this, coupled with relationship and financial issues so I know that any 'symptoms' I have could just as easily be due to stress - by its hard to think of anything else.
My lowest point in the last year (and I am ashamed to admit this) was when a friends brother was diagnosed with cancer (he was only 24 with 2 young children). Unfortunately he died only 2 months later. I actually wished it was me.... He was very positive and had his whole life to look forward to. I am so down and full of fear, i would have taken his place. But more so I would rather that than my son and partner have to watch what I had to watch happen to my mum.
I don't think I could take any critisicm over my choice to have a child.... I live with this each day - I love my son more than anything in the world. I find myself staring at him constanly and my heart breaking at the thought of not being able to hug him or speak to him.
Is it worse to know a bad result, rather than live like this?
Maltman

welcome, I think that since you have a son you should test and see you just have a fifty fifty chance, you may be lucky and not having at all, this is just me, my husband find out two years ago we saw sign since maybe on his late thirties and he got tested it has been very hard because even tho we saw sign he did not want to get tested for years and after we find out about HD it is going very hard to adjust and find help and making decision, if you are positive you would be able to plan what you are going to do and prepared while you can.

Welcome to the forum. It is a very personal decision. A quote recently came up saying (paraphrase) ...When the stress created by not knowing is overcoming your ability to live and enjoy your life, then it is time to test. These days knowledge is power, and you can take that knowledge to be proactive in your lifestyle to hold off symptom onset as best as you can. Either that, or you can relieve yourself of the fear of forming relationships in the event that you will soon leave them.

I've had eye-twitching too. It was a side effect of drinking too much nutrisweet. You can't help but symptom hunt. I do it every time one of my kids trips over his own feet, or gets a bad grade on a test. As moms, we can't help but worry about the what if's. I try very hard, but have to admit that not a day goes by when I don't think about HD being part of their future, we are watching their dad progress right now. I also have days when I don't think I can dig out from under that grief. In my case, the good days are far outnumbering the bad, so I am OK.

When your bad days are outnumbering the good, you may want to seriously consider testing.

Take care,
Patty C

I would like to add to this too. I have constant anxiety about my husband having HD and also worry when I see things such as his being fidgetty, tripping, which he is doing more of lately. But these are some things that have helped me cope. Not sharing this as advice-giving but tools I use to help me cope. Daily yoga and meditation, and also the book "The Power of Now." has been so inspirational to me. I am a yoga teacher so no excuse not to practice! I try to live in the moment, and that helps. I know it sounds easier said than done, but just thought I'd share.

I think your fears are pretty normal. Who wouldn't worry knowing there was a family history.

Enjoy your children and try hard not to place HD between you and that love. You have "NOW". It's all very difficult and you are not alone. I too look at my grown children and see one son's bouncing leg and wonder. I never associated it with HD until now. The other son, has some things that are troublesome as well.

Mike

Here's one person's take on "now".

[www.youtube.com]