As many of you know my husband has been in a nursing home for over 2 years now. He is losing a ton of weight due to his increased chorea and the fact that he is refusing most of his meals. He has always been very manipulative and that hasn't changed. He will call me several times a day to say that if I don't visit, he will not eat. The thing is, I see him almost everyday. He still refuses to eat even when I am there. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to get him to eat? He yells and screams at the nurses when they bring him his tray. I'm afraid that it will get to the point where they will have to send him out and then refuse to re-admit him because he is becoming so difficult.

Does he tell you why he is not eating. Is it solely manipulative, or has eating become uncomfortable. My husband seems to have a marked increase in his chorea at mealtimes. We have tried tried timing his medications to meal time, no effect. Perhaps the mental and physical demand of eating is causing some disruption...I don't know, but it looks very uncomfortable, and makes meals less desirable for both of us.

If it is solely manipulative, can you manipulate him back. you won't come visit unless he eats.

Is he becoming a more picky eater? My husband has taken to eating only a baked potato with butter, and whatever meat we are having. No sauce, no pasta, no veggies....can't get him to budge. I would get bored having the same thing every day, but this is his preference, so that keeps him eating. I have tried putting other things on his plate...like if the kids and I are having spaghetti, I'll give him some, he just leaves it. He's getting to be SOOO picky.

So sorry to hear this Judy. Maybe its time for a medication change or update.
My husband has to stay on a pretty intense cocktail of medications to keep him from becoming difficult. They tried backing down a few of the meds last fall and it didn't work.
In the last year his depression meds were doubled and they started a low dose of Haloperidol. Luckily we've got a pretty good neurologist who realizes that if he gets out of control he could end up back in the psych unit and probably end up in a facility an hour or two away from us where the kids cannot visit.
I hope you can find a solution.

Patty- he tells me that he won't eat if I'm not there, but will still refuse even when I am. He does have a lot of problems with swallowing now, but if I were to bring in something he would eat without hesitation. He has become very picky. Things that he used to love he will no longer eat. He tells me everyday how much he hates it there. I think he is hoping that I will bring him home if he refuses to eat, but I have it clear that will not happen.

Indigo- I recently had a meeting with the nursing home staff and his eating was the main topic. They are clueless! I have asked that they talk to his doctor about either an increase in his current meds or add/change them. He has been very depressed. He was threatening to kill himself. They ended up putting an ankle bracelet on him so that he wouldn't try to leave. He was supposed to see his neurologist on Friday, but I had to re- schedule it. I will be out of town and he will not go without me. I will be in Boston for 5 days for business and I'm a little worried about how things will go while I'm gone!

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this, Judy. I also feel bad for your husband. I love to eat, so in my opinion this would really suck if I were him. I have a son with mild autism, but he has always been a picky eater. I read a book before he was born that said to just serve a meal and they can eat what they want from it...don't make special food for your kids. But I have to say that he would get really cranky when he didn't like the food. If he was hungry and cranky life was not too pleasant for any of us. So now I do make him things he likes and life is much more pleasant. I don't want to compare your husband to a child, but it sounds as if he is really stuborn. Maybe Patty C's advice about letting him eat whatever he wants would work. Does the nursing home give him choices? Maybe some of the advice I've read on here before about thickening things would help him. My MIL used to give my FIL chocolate malts every day. Is that really nutrious? No, but he loved them and I think it helped keep some weight on him. She just found something he liked and went with it. I understand it will be stressful to be away for 5 days, but on the other hand, even though it's business related hopefully you can try to have some fun too. Be kind to yourself. It sounds as if you're doing the best you can.

I make homemade ice cream for my husband. He only likes vanilla. He's not having any problem with thin liquids right now, or maintaining his weight, but I am thinking that in the future I can add protein powder or thickening agent to the ice cream base before freezing and it will be more nutritious. (ice cream still melts to a thin liquid, so if you thicken his liquids, you will need to offer frozen pudding, or frozen cream with thickener added,

Patty

I had begun to have some problems with swallowing, the doctor sent me for swallowing test, it showed that my esophageous muscle was not working properly. I would insist the doctor bring in a speech therapist that can evaluate him and ask for necessary tests! As for the screaming and being out of control, the doctors can give him something more calming to help the outbursts.
Melissa