Hi all, I am wondering if anyone out there can tell me who the softer symptoms are more apparent to...My son's father and I knew each other only a short time (3 weeks) before I got pregnant. he was not a part of my pregnancy but he came back into our lives when my son was a year old. After about 4 months, he moved away and we didn't see him again until about a year ago (after about a year and a half). To me, he has very obvious signs of personality changes and other "soft" symptoms. He has some mild chorea and had been diagnosed with "mild" HD. His friend, who has known him since middle school, does not see any personality changes. He does see that he has become even more stubborn but he says he was always stubborn. As you all know, we are currently battling over visitation terms. He wants to have overnight visits, I don't think our almost 4 year old is ready for that as he has never been away from me and has only been around his father this past year.

I guess I am just wondering if I see him as so much worse off because we are having such problems. i really believe in my heart that we could work things out if he didn't have HD. I think his HD has made me out to be some kind of horrible person in his mind and in the minds of his friends. He did agree to supervised visits just as long as I am not supervising. But over the past two months he has had problems co-ordinating the supervisor with his day off and my available days to drive our son the hour to his house.

any help, advice or anecdotes would be appreciated.

People that hadn't seen my husband often were always shocked at his progression. They noticed it more than I did. I'm not sure if it was because I just got used to his symptoms so I didn't notice how quickly he was advancing in the beginning. Now that he is out of the house I am much more aware.

Watching HD develop in a loved one who lives with you is like watching your children grow. The changes are so subtle day to day, that it goes missed by those closest to them. My husband and I were having marital problems when his HD was in early stages (also, we did not expect anything, he was adopted) While we were seperated, friends would call me and ask what is wrong, he's falling for no reason, he's got these movements that are odd and strange...It was while we were seperated and through feedback from friends that I was able to take a step back and realize that he was not just experiencing stress and anger over a failed career, or failed marriage, he was really having neurological changes.

I urged him to go to a neurologist, hoping he had a tumor or something that could be cut out to give me back my husband. Sadly that did not happen.

the softer symptoms are more apparent to - I believe this to be the ones who have known him awhile and are in his life daily. I'm aware of changes that his brothers and sisters don't recognize.

To me, he has very obvious signs of personality changes and other "soft" symptoms. - like the old saying goes "did you ever really know him at all"?

I don't think our almost 4 year old is ready for that as he has never been away from me and has only been around his father this past year. - The longer you wait, the harder it will become.

I guess I am just wondering if I see him as so much worse off because we are having such problems. - I've read many of your posts, and have felt this to be true.

He did agree to supervised visits just as long as I am not supervising. But over the past two months he has had problems co-ordinating the supervisor with his day off and my available days to drive our son the hour to his house. - This needs to be worked out, and soon. It isn't about you, him, or HD. It's about your son. Both of you need to make these visits as enjoyable and stress free for your son as possible. Days off may need to be rearranged, drivers changed, etc. If being around you makes the Dad worse, then maybe the two of you can pay for someone else to drive him.

Good luck

thanks for the comments. Unfortunately, I don't have the benefit of having fallen in love with R. before the symptoms hit. When I met him, he was dealing with some extreme personal circumstances and any "strangeness" that I observed, I attributed to that. So, no I really did not know him at all. I never claimed to. I wish I had known him because I think he was a really neat guy.

I come here for advice and understanding so that I can continue to have empathy for R. even when things are going really badly between us. I also try to remind myself that R is 50% responsible for the best thing in my life. I appreciate everyone's comments because they help me to constantly re-examine my feelings.

Our court date, the hearing for criminal and civil contempt that he filed against me, was scheduled for today but has been rescheduled for March 28. Currently, R. has 6 hours once a week at his house with J. supervised by a friend or family member of his choosing. His attorney offered to drop everything and follow the original parenting plan (2 hrs a week at my house supervised by me) if I dropped the child support by an enormous amount. I refused to drop the child support so charges and changes are still pending.

It would be nice if he could realize that this is all about J and not about me or himself or our differences. It would be nice...

You certainly have our sympathy and understanding. So much about dealing with this disease is unbelievably frustrating. Many times it feels like we are fortunate if we can get through some of the challenges and maintain our sanity.

Stay strong and best wishes to you.

Steve