My wife is in mid-late stages, she's 38. Over the last year she has started staying up all night long and sleeping all day. It has put an enourmous amount of stress on me because I work full time and take care of her full time with no help. The biggest issue I have is a feeding schedule. I come home from work at 5:00 pm and start trying to get her to wake up, this usually takes a couple hours. When she does wake up she never wants to eat right away, always wants to wait a couple hours. So if i'm lucky she will get one good meal a day. I have bought her things she can snack on when i'm not home or if i'm asleep like yogurts, puddings, little debbie cakes etc. These are things I know she will eat. She chokes on everything she eats so its not a question of if she'll choke its how bad she'll choke so I have to watch her while she is eating. I have started a daily journal to log how many meals - calories she is taking in and its not nearly enough. I have noticed that this is making her feel much much worse but I can't seem to get this through to her. If we have any activities scheduled after work or on the weekends this just compounds the problem because she can't eat on the go.

The reason I am posting this is because I have come to a cross road. I am really starting to worry that I am not providing adequate enough care for her. It seems to me that she gives me a harder time than she does her family when it comes to sleeping and eating and staying on a good schedule. Her family lives hours away and it would break my heart to send her to live with them but it may be in her best interest to do so.

thanks for listening,

Philip

There are high calorie nutritional shakes like Ensure that you could add into her diet. When I worked at an Alzheimer's facility, these were often given to residents who had trouble eating as a supplement. I don't know how she does with liquids, you might need to add something like Thick It so it's harder to choke on. They would also sometimes mix in protein powder with puree food for the extra calories and nutritional benefits.

I don't have advice about her living situation...other people will have a better idea on that, sorry.

Keep in mind that you need to do the best for her and if she is going to have full care by her family, you should try that for a few months, remember if she is not eating right she probably would loose weight and will be hard for her to do any activities, I know its hard I work and take care of my husband full time and I do feel for you, good luck to you .

Hi Phillip. You are in a tough situation and you should feel good about what you have done for her. Most spousal caregivers hang in there bearing the full burden on their own - beyond what is best for their loved one (and always beyond what is good for their own physical and mental health). If you have family members who are willing to help you out then you should feel good about taking advantage of that option - actually it's rare when family members are willing to provide significant help.

You didn't mention involving a care facility so I'm assuming that you feel you don't need to go there just yet - but please don't ignore that option.

There isn't a perfect solution but it does seem that a change that will benefit both your wife and yourself. But change is rarely easy. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

Steve