Hi all,

I have posted a letter here once before from my son's father and it resulted in me having to remove some of my previous posts and change my screen name. But I am going to do it again because I need some help from you, the experts in dealing with HD on a daily basis.

Here is the letter I received this morning after spending yesterday afternoon at the zoo. Nothing except a few names have been changed. The Miss B____ is from my son's father.


Dear ,

Please do not bring your boyfriends again to meet me again.
The visitation needs to be between you, me, and our son.

Last time, that I played soccer at J's house in Bolivar per the court order, Miss B_______ called the police for a false arrest based on drinking & drugs, but I am clean and sober and work for FedEx at the airport and TN Army National Guard in Brownsville TN, and CEO of S -H, LLC. I passed the tests. Now, I would like to press legal charges, since these test took 30 minutes. I passed your false tests. I told the police officer that if he attempt to assault me or send me to jail, that it would be like Rambo.
Yesterday, I spent 4 hours at Memphis zoo with my son J which was great.
But, Miss B___ brought her boyfriend, with no noticification to me, Martin, who was there saying a lot of "curse words in front of my son."
Miss B___ was too tired to walk, but smiling like she had just been F___.
The entire time my son did not call me once by "Dad" or by "R," instead he called me "Martin."
The entire time my son who is normally affectionate kid, with hugs, spent more times kicking, hitting me, and curse words to me."
He spent more time running away from me and would not sit next to me.
Your Mother, Mrs W had J apolgize to me for hitting and telling me to go hell.
I would to end your visits. I would like to place a temporary restraining order against Mr. Martin Williams for his lewd and inappropriate behavior in front of my son.
I don't want to see any of Mr. Martin rude behavior, nor your other boyfriends. He endangerinig my son's safety. Is he living at your home?
Yours,

Dad


A little explanation...Martin is a former exchange student from Germany who spent a year in my family's home in 1992. he comes back to visit yearly. He is my brother.

Is this a psychotic break? Is that even possible with HD. Two weeks ago R came to visit and we had a great time. I got a few text messages from him over the next few days planning the next visit. Then I got an email that accused me of calling the police and telling them to arrest him for playing soccer with our son and for being a veteran. Needless to say , I did not call the police. I get emails like this every once in a while but two in a row after I think things have gone well...I am scared, I have to admit. He seems to have had a break with reality where I am concerned.

Please help me. Please tell me what I can do. I am pretty much terrified right now.

I have followed the advice of my attorney and filed for an order of protection. The judge will hear it on Monday.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2012 05:00PM by FevreDream.

WOW...the letter is a little confusing but sounds like he doesn't want to see your boyfriend when he sees his son, (the boyfriend should not be any part of his visits) so I can see why he is upset. Sounds more like relationship problems times 2. If you feel he is not safe with the child bring a small video recorder and video tape him, I don't know if that is legal or not but it may be proof. If I am way off in left field I am sorry, keep your head up.

Actually it sounds like Martin is more like a brother and has been considered a part of the family for a long time, which is something he should know instead of mistaking him for a boyfriend. Is that correct?

Man, I have no idea and I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope everything works out...it sounds incredibly complicated.

Yes Noni, that is correct. And I have talked about Martin many times with R because R is proud of his German heritage. I feel scared because I think he is targeting me. And the part where he says something about J being "endangered"...in his current state, how long before he decides that Jack will only be safe if I am dead? I have sent that email to his family and friends trying to get them to see that he needs some help. As yet, I have not heard from anyone. Yesterday afternoon, I got another email making plans for our visit for next week. He wants Jack and me to come to his house. I told him no. So, I will soon hear from my attorney that he and his attorney are going to file contempt of court charges against me because I am refusing to let him have his planned visit. I don't know what is going to happen. Probably, the judge will order me to let my 3 and a half year old son be with his father. Maybe not. I thought when I started all this that we both love J and that will help us to work through or ignore any issues we have with each other. But that doesn't seem to be the case.

I am so disheartened. I feel like no matter what I do, I am going to put my child in some kind of danger.

Hd can cause paranoia and the words said are from someone who is sick. Perserveration is another part of HD. The phd gets fixated on a thought and runs with it sometimes for months. It is scary to hear these thoughts because they do not make sense. This all means that what he thinks he heard and what actually happened can be very different.
It is most important for you to understand this and not panic. I guess at your court meeting he was allowed to continue unsupervised visits. Did the judge say that you had to visit him without anyone else with you besides your son? Think about that, he must have felt very threatended and lashed out. That is not your problem but his.
I would ask my attorney if that is what was meant by the visiting order. I would document this and call for another court meeting to define this and present the letter with an explanation and also a letter from the exchange student as to what actually transpired.
Noone gets this disease, its makes it difficult for those of us who deal with it every day. Good luck.

One other thought, phds really can't adjust to things that are brought to them unexpectedly. It is possible that if you had told him ahead of time who you were bringing with you and he knew what to expect he might not have had that reaction. Having you visit to his home is a safe place in his mind. Tell him ahead of time who is coming with you so it is not unexpected and assure him that this person is a friend to him and does not want to cause a problem. If he still says no try to be firm but say it is not against the law for you to have a companion with you.

Thanks Bridie! I did not know that I should prepare him. Now that I know that, I will try to do better. As far as visits, we are still operating under our original court order that says he has supervised visits with me or my mom present. It does not specifically say that no other people should be present. Martin is returning to Germany on Monday Oct 1 so he won't be around again for at least a year and maybe more.

We are waiting to go to the mediation that is required by our parenting order. It was scheduled for 9/17 but was postponed because his attorney wanted time to go over the neuropsych test results. I think R. is going to try to get someone to be at the house with him when he visits with Jack. Pretty much, he wants anyone but me to be there. I think he understands that it wouldn't be safe for Jack to be alone with him. But then I start to think that some "babysitter" or court appointed supervisor won't really understand HD and that they won't be prepared for things that may happen. I worry too much, I know. Sometimes I think the only way to get R. to behave is to withhold the one thing I have that he wants, our son.