Hi I wrote awhile back with some diificulties with my husband. We here we go again or should I say really never stops.

I need advice on what to do, My husband became upset after I told him I sa him writing and setting up appointments to have sex with hookers. I know that unsafe sex or risk taking behavior can be part of hd in some people if mood swings bipolar

Now to make a long story short, he has refused to take his medications that help him with mood swings.and manic behavior. Right now he is in another state 2 1/2 hours from home., with his father, who thinks his son is doing fine. Well he is not he drove here today and spent the whole say looking at apartments because he says he getting a divorce and is looking at places that he couldnt afford anyway not on ss. I saw him at the gas station and he was having difficulites figuring out the gas pump. He uses the same one all the time. Then I tried to talk to him but he was pretty irrational, and just kept saying I am busy. Which I have learn to know as he can't focus on more than one thing at a time.

My husband is going to drive back again tomorrow to continue his search. Which for a source is nonstop, even when family members went to talk to him, he just didn't stop looking.

I have called his doctor , but he is unavailable and wont be back till after labor day and still they dont know when they are going to get him in.

This has been going on all summer now. in regards to very violent at times behavior.

What amazes me is that no one will help him in the family. They all think he is foing just fine. I saw him today and he was exhaused. and its only been since Sunday but he looks like he lost weight.

The doctor said he needed to gain at least 25lbs, I push food at him at home to help him. his father keeps very little in his house.
I am worried that in the past and he yold the doctor this he felt like blowing his brains out. when he took the paxel I saw a very happy man, mood swings but somethat stable and he wasnt taking the mood stablier, but I think he still needed it.

Anyway what can I do. I have called the family , written beg, for them to try to help him. Do I just have to watch my husband throw away his whole ss check on an apartment, where no one will help him when he falls , which he does or chocks on food, all because I am not with him.

My husband loves me and i him , but right not because of this new episode of being very manic, he cant see anything but get an apartment. His sister is a nurse I thought maybe she could get him to a doctor up there, or something,

Everyone is looking at this as a fight beween a husband and wife , and not helping him. He doesnt even drive well. He almost hit another car when he left home Sunday.

Ok My question is WHAT CAN I DO IF ANYTHING? I have told him I love him. about a 1000x. I know he loves me, because I have been through this simular before but hes home and I can calm him down.

HELP PLEASE ,

Thank you ,

Edwina

im sorr my situation is pretty much the same but my husband is home . maybe if you speak with your local police department about his driving they could have a suggestion so maybe he would loose his license and then he would have to stay with you. im sorry this is all i thought of at this time. if the doctors not able to see him when he returns i would be furious tell them its an emergency make something up if you have to just to get in there or find another doctor if you havent been here to long good luck oh or just unhook the the battery in the car or take the spark plugs off or something similar unless hes a mechanic or handy under the hood insted you could hide the keys but it would have to look like he lost them lol um][/size]

I am sorry you have a simular situation it is really tough. I just contacted a lawyers office to see if there is anyway to help him. It doesn't appear much I can do today. It is a long process of gurdienship. and its very expensive so I have to try to figure it out.

I am going to compose a letter email to his doctor and sent it to him. Maybe that will help as I am not sure I will be able to go tothe doctor with my husband if he is not here so I need to make sure he know what is happening.

I feel so bad I can't help him when he needs me and he does. Boy I would love to lose those car keys, but hes not here to lose them. He is with his father who is doing nothing as I can tell to get him to a local doctor which I have asked all of his family members to do.

I really am worried he may hurt someone or himself. I just keep hoping he will somehow snap back like he used to and come home.


Edwina

My heart goes out to you Edwina. This is essentially what happened to me and why I wound up getting divorced although in my ex's case, he was taking his medication, he just needed a mood stabilizer (according to me). According to his doctor, he was just fine (even when he went there on off hours and tried to kick the door to the office in). I think that you have done all you can. His family is in willful denial and they won't help which is something we read about all too often. Even if you could get hold of the doctor there is not much he can do in the short run if your husband won't cooperate. The doctor may or may not help with the guardianship issue but that won't proceed quickly anyway as you point out.

Sometimes in HD, there needs to be a crisis to bring about a change for the better and we can only pray that it won't be something too bad. I wish I could think of something you could do. Please keep us posted.

OH Girl I feel so much for you at this time, so sorry. Try and take the paperwork from his doc saying that he has HD and also an explination of HD (mood swings etc.) to the police and get them to understand his problem, maybe they can stop him when they see him on the streets, knowing the situation maybe they will call you and you pick up the car (then you will have the keys) and they may take him to the hospital or for a psyc eval? I got a power of atty some time ago and this week we will be updating it so that as his mood swings get worse I can keep him home and safe.

i have the same problem i want to become guardian but the expense i just cant afford at this time. it is so frustrating he really needs a nursing home or care at home but its always a dead end because he always refuses services. we rearranged the bedrooms about a year ago and he nows lives in the basement which is redone nicely with a full bathroom. he is constantly telling me i abandoned him but im trying to do wahts best for my girls and him since all is on one floor. he is telling me evertday he is moving up stairs on sept 5 (his 46th birthday) he is so angry at me he dosent realize what his actions over the years has affected our daughters.

Edwina,

This behavior is classic HD. My son Tim, even though he lives in a NH, keeps coming back to the "I'm getting an apartment, give me my check book..."
It is so stressful to go over and over the same issues with him. He cannot live alone yet he insists that he can. He falls in love with a nurse or aide and he's getting an apartment again. Never mind that he has never written a check in his life.
I am so sorry to hear your news, Edwina...I agree with Marsha that a crisis usually must occur before something meaningful can take place. I would be concerned about protecting your savings if he has access to them. You definitely don't want to be paying for hookers.
Sometimes I would just like to quit...but I never get the chance because he "fires" me on an almost weekly basis! (until he needs a new xbox game or sports jersey or snacks at the NH) Life with HD is never a dull moment, and I for one would like a dull moment once in awhile!
Take care,

Carla

Thank you everyone for your support I really need it now. I feel so alone. right now. Even with all the issues I really miss him. I emailed him and text him, even tried calling. Telling him he could come home when hes ready. I think i can't do anymore. What is there do do. I am going to try to wait and see what happens, If he was home, maybe I could calm him down, I usually do, but he's not here so I do know that leaving him be somethimes makes him worst . . The back rub and neck rub usally at least calms him.

I know he loves me so its very sad, I guess a crisis does have to happen or something to get the family to see he has a real problem here. I just hope he does not serious injure anyone, to have to get help. I am starting to think he is not coming back, I had some hope before , but this has been 5 days now, which is a long time,

I have a breast biospy to schedule with the doctor myself tomorrow, so I have to deal with that.

You know as I read what everyone wrote, I so understand. I joined here a few years back, and now what I read from others is happening here. I guess I thought I could somehow help prevent the progress of this disease.

Thank you so much for responding to me.

Edwina

Edwina,

I hope your breast biopsy goes well tomorrow. Please focus on yourself tomorrow and doing what you need to try and make yourself feel as well as possible. I hope you have a friend or one of your children going with you for the biopsy.

Thank you ,

For your surport ,

Edwina

Edwina, take care of you now. I hope your biopsy is clear. I am a BC survivor so I know the waiting will be agonizing. Be kind to yourself. Sending much love, prayers and hugs to you.
{{{Edwina}}}

Carla

My biospy is being sceduled , but I am thinking of a second opinion, and will call a doctor on Tuesday. I will get more advice.

As for my husband hes still driving back and forth and has spend 400. in gas alone this week. I am not sure how with all this going on no one in his family is doing anything at all.

I have continued to send text to my husband so he knows I love him and I am here for him, and he can come home. I try to remind him of our life in hopes he might snap back enough to think clearly. He has in the pass, but he's in a different situation and I think he's being encoraged to look for an apartment. He won't make it long on his own, and who will help him, not them, no one has so far and I have begged them.

I am in limbo right now. I just have to wait and see what happens. I can not stop what he is doing.

Edwina

so, scary. You send the family the information on HD and try to educate them. My dad said there was something wrong with my mom and for 20 years we just attributed it to the way he had to be in control of everything and that she was finally standing up for herself. The in 2009 after a severe car accident ( she was a passenger) she was diagnosed when it became apparent to everyone that something more was wrong than the affects of the accident.

20 years of denial from everyone in the family and we could deny the changes because Dad would not allow any of us to have one on one time with her for any extended period of time. overnight occassionally. Let the family deal with him on a daily basis and they will be more able to recognise something is wrong. Provide HD info and proof of diagnosis.

And even tho there are other things that can produce confusion, anger, cognitive disorientations and physical imbalance, if the person has been diagnosed with HD, at least try to inform them by giving them the newly provided information on the HDSA site for caregivers and healthcare providors.

They may have to be scared out of their denial. You are not the bad guy. But you can not force then to accept this, they must see it for themselves. Step away, let them deal with it and they will eventually see something is wrong.

Read the account Steve has of what went on with his wife, who he loved, on the HDSA site under the many faces of HD, meet Steve posted just in the last few days.

You can not save someone from themselves by yourself, when you do not allow the others to deal with what is going on, they will continue to be in denial and you will continue to be the bad gal and responsible in their eyes because they are in denial.

My heart goes out to you.

I the family has been given information his father showed me how he reads the information I have sent him. Non of this has done any good. No one calls me, or texts me , or emails me back, so I have stopped. I guess there is nothing I can do. i am pretty sure now he is making arrangement to see prostitues. I am pretty deviasted by this whole thing.

I went into down last last something I never do just to listen to music and be around people. Not drink or eat anything just listen to devert my mind. bee have been trying to get out and bike and talk and drive around honestly I am a bid lost. I am not used to being without him for this long its a week today. I have to admit it is nice not to be screamed at or threat or hit. I beg him to take his meds and he said to me if you want to get hit say it again.

I thought the family would help me, his mom had hd. and I thought there were some break throughs. I guess not their son possible in up with hiv. I cant be close to him, knowing he may have been with someone. I just need to greif I guess too for my lost and keep trying to take care of me. Friends tell me this his what I should do. I know they are right. I want to text him and say I love him, but I guess even with hd, he has made a choice, and the choice is not to take medications, and maybe I don't know rent and apartment. I am not sure how the realtors can't tell he is seriously ill?

I am going now to get some breakfast and hop on my bike and try to recover the best I can from my heartbreak. You know I have done everything I could, I have read and read, for years on hd, made sure he had all the suppilments , made his phone calls, helped him with his ss. as all of you have also done. I am burned out right now. I appear to have lost me in this , I am not even totally sure who I was. I was a strong person maybe that is how I have made it this far. I have allowed him to walk all over me because I know he is sick. All I know today is yes I still love him, as crazy as this sounds, because somewhere deep in him, I know he loves me too, and all this is so very sad.

This desease is a nightmare.

God Bless all of you for your giving and your kindness to me and your love ones,

Edwina