A pathological narcicist will evoke many similar symptoms; I can speak from many years within a relationship with a non pHD person. Continuing a relationship is certainly questionalble if not inadvisable.

I agree bob netx. It really bothers me to see people complain about their bf/gf etc. And come here to do it. Until you have actually lived HD you have no idea and can come off rude and unempathetic and resentful. So please keep that in mind when posting, considering there are those of us here who either have HD of loved ones with it. If your partner had cancer, would you go to a cancer forum ranting about taking care of them and complaining about how hard they are to deal with? I doubt it. I know it is hard to care for someone who is sick. Especially someone with mental and emotional illness, however THEY arent the ones with the choice here. YOU are...

I come here to try to understand. I hope that things things I learn on here will help me to be more empathetic with my son's father instead of just completely disliking him. It is very hard to deal with someone that has HD. Until I was 8 months pregnant, I had no idea that HD was something that could happen to me. Now, I am trying to learn as much as I can. Yes, I complain. And I rant. And when I am alone, I cry and wish with all my heart that my son's father was not afflicted with this horrible disease. But it is what it is. I want to understand and be the best mother to my son that I can be. And for me, that means that I have to deal with his father. I can't help that I get angry with him. He has a job, tells me he has no symptoms and all of his family and friends tell me that they can't tell anything is wrong with him. And then he tells me I tried to have him arrested, calls me names, says rude things. Well, I didn't know him enough to be able to separate the human from the HD. I try to do that by coming here because I have no other place to go. My family is supportive but they don't understand my fears.

And by the way, my mother has cancer. I read the cancer forums too. and people do go on those forums and rant about how hard it is to deal with cancer and how hard it is to deal with. Because they love the person and hate the disease. We are all human and we all need to rant sometimes. We ALL need a shoulder to cry on sometimes about how hard it is and how scary it is and how we wish it was another way.

Please try to be compassionate to everyone. And try to remember what it was like when you first learned of HD.

I think your misunderstanding what I am saying. There is nothing wrong with like you said, rant about how hard it is to deal with the DISEASE etc. What is bothersome is when I see those who complain about the PERSON. And I have seen it quite often on here I had been lingering here as a guest for many months until I saw this post..). And as someone with 3 close family members I have watched suffer through this, and at high risk of having it myself, I feel it is hard to read. It gives those with the disease thoughts of I wonder if that is how so and so feels inside about me etc. I try to resent the DISEASE, NOT the person. Thats the difference that I am talking about.

I have no doubt how hard it is to deal with an HDp person and their emotional ups and downs etc as I have experienced it for well over half of my life now.. When I was 14 my father tried to have harm done to one of his SIX ex wives. At that time we were not aware of his advancing HD. He was also arrested for some things he would have NEVER thought of doing previously in his younger years. My point is these people with HD can not help it. Literally they are wired that way. So I just ask others to try and remember that and be respectful of those of us who come here as patients with it or at risk for it. Treat the DISEASE as the burden not the person with it...

Thanks for clarifying. I am one of those who is having a really hard time separating the disease from the person. I come to this site to try to understand. Reading about other people's struggles with HD helps me to be more compassionate, understanding, and forgiving.

The last couple posts says alot and says it well. I, among others, do not visit this site as often as I used to because of much negativity.
There are so many good, kind hearted people here who truly use this site and it is a good site and a wealth of information for those
at risk for HD, those with HD or those who are loved ones of those with HD.
Some of the actions of the HD person are beyond their control - as a Doctor once said well - "it is the HD speaking, not the person."
Do I wish HD was not in my family - of course, I do but there is so much research going on right now and I think a cure is right around
the corner. There are also alot of medications that treat symptoms well.
There are alot of things better than HD and there are alot of things worse than HD. Life will never be fair or perfect - that is just how life is.
I love my family and they are such a wonderful contribution to humanity. This world would not be the same without them. I cannot imagine
any other family and I am so blessed.
They have so much love to give and are so compassionate.
I feel sorry for those who look at an illness rather than a person - whether it be HD, cancer, etc. Those people are very shallow and
will never get as much out of life as those who are not.
We are all put on this earth to help each other. We never know what lies ahead for any of us. Just because we are ok today does not
mean it will be that way tomorrow - an illness, an accident, a tragedy can strike at any time and change any of our lives forever.
A sense of humor can get us a long ways as well. It is amazing how humor and laughter can make a day better or change a situation.
I am not saying that situation would go away but how we handle it is huge and will determine the result.

Shar

Hd is a difficult disease to understand, especially if you didn't even know it existed. It can take a very long time to 'get it' and more importantly to accept it. I know that the first ten years I was dealing with it I made many, many mistakes with my phd. I was just plan angry at how life changed so drastically and how the future seemed so helpless at times.
However I didn't give up and eventually I got it and began to understand how this rotten disease is 'so unforgiving' to the person who has it. That is when I was able to deal with it much better.
You can be hurt and drawn into the insanity many times over. You can be insulted, lied to, misused and abused and these actions or words will never be acknowledged or will you ever receive an apology. It in no way reflects how that person would act if they weren't sick, but they are and that is what is meant by separating the disease from the person.
Support is so important and you must be able to be kind to yourself and give yourself space. Why would you take on this hard path to travel? You would because it is the right thing to do to help another human. But if you are not of the make up to do it, that does not mean that you are not a good person or a failure. There are many reasons that people can't and there is no reason to judge them either.

Whether it is HD or his personality or mental illness, the choice you have is can I live with a person who acts this way. If its HD he can't help it, if mental illness unless he accepts treatment, or its his personality. You only need to know can u live like this for years and years if he can't or chooses not to change!!
Don't let "Love" lead u down the road of regret!!
Melissa

Wow, I never expected to get so many responses or stir up so much debate. A lot of your responses have given me A LOT to think about. I really posted my question because when I try to research the "early symptoms of HD", nothing really informative comes up. So, maybe I should just ask: What were the very first symptoms/changes you guys noticed in your loved one with HD? I didn't mean to complain or sound insensitive about the situation, and i'm sorry if that is how I sounded.

I have been so fortunate that my phd has not had the psychiatric symptoms (yet?). He has had an occasional outburst when he becomes frustrated, but it is shortlived and quickly forgotten.
His earliest symptoms were so subtle. A hesitation when he wanted to change direction in walking, more "fumble finger" accidents. More hesitation with things in general (driving got scary for passengers). He became more disorganized with paperwork, and had trouble meeting deadlines with paperwork. Trouble with decision making. He complained that he wanted to go one way, but his feet were going another way. When he got tired or nervous, more hand movements.

My Raymond had slight finger twitches, and he would make grunting-type noises when relaxing. I would be in the kitchen, and Ray would be in the living room watching TV, and I could hear him making these noises . . . that is absolutely when I knew. Looking back now, he definitely had some subtle symptoms for years before that (like impulsiveness, low motivation), but I didn't put two and two together until he started with the physical symptoms.

I noticed finger twitching, toes that looked like they were playing scales on a piano, irritability so that I felt that I was walking on egg shells a lot, slow mental processing speeds because I wondered if he was going deaf but eventually he would respond to what was said, very light sleeping and easily being wakened, then evolving into anger outbursts and threats when he was tired. Obsessing about small things like returning a broken kettle to the store after we had owned it for two years. Last of the early symptoms were manipulation, lies and cover-ups. There is a medical article I read sometime ago that discusses the early symptoms and how difficult they are for families. Other articles say the early symptoms start 8 to 10 years before actual diagnosis. In retrospect that was my experience.
Concerned

Hi ggrace,

I have had similar problems with my wife. She even saw my car outside local women's' houses and the local people were telling her to wake up and smell the coffee, etc. Mad stuff altogether! She has paranoia issues as well as cognitive issues with no diagnosis as of yet. However, the chorea has just started and I firmly believe we are at onset stage of HD. It's all very worrying and not sure what to do as I can't get her back to the doctor/psychiatrist/neurologist.

She is completely unaware of her difficulties and is convinced that the problems lie with me. She has engaged in character assassination and is inventing stories in her head...only problem is that she then goes on to publicly verbalise the same stories.

All in all, it's very distressing. I never once believed it was HD or had even heard of it. However, in the last 4 months, there has been a massive cognitive decline as well as very peculiar movements in the toes, fingers, arms, neck, trunk, etc.

I really know your pain. It's all very overwhelming. Especially the false accusations.

Great answer, Bridie. Puts a whole different perspective on dealing with HD. I'm still at the anger, frustration, insanity, uncomprehending stage. No diagnosis as of yet with my wife, but all the signs are there;
I look forward to clarity, understanding, acceptance and being able to separate the disease and the person. A diagnosis would help. Does that sound strange from a father of 3 young children...who may well be at risk?

Cioall said it very eloquently and with grace. HD is not for the faint of heart, it's a long journey for the sufferer and for the family who cares for them, loves them and stands with them.

Carla