I need to know whether I should get an attorney for myself as I am trying to gain custody of my two nieces.

Background: After a year of court dates it appears that my sister and her current husband (seperated) will be losing custody of their children. It's sad, but please realize my sister is the best mom I have ever known: she has been rapidly kicked in the ass by HD. In one year she has lost many cognitive, mental, and physical skills needed to parent children. She would like me to be a guardian for her children. Her husband (father of the girls) is dead set against me (the judge has made it clear that he most likely will have his rights taken from him).

Problem: My sister's 1st husband(the ex) and his wife are trying to gain custody of the girls too. Claiming that they should be with their older sister (my sis's oldest with her ex). The ex and his wife live 2 hrs away and have fought with my sis for ten years. Every visit was a fight. They are also VERY unsympathetic to my sis's condition. I am at a loss as to why they would try to take the girls from any family they have ever known!!! It almost appears as if they are trying to continue to hurt my sis; my sis already gave up her visits to her oldest because (the oldest is a teenager) and asked her to because she couldn't stand the court battles anymore. My sis (being fragile right now: mentally and emotionally) resigned in the hopes that soon she(her daughter) will want to see her again.

The ex and his wife have been trying to take the oldest from my sis for 10 yrs and have always disrespected my sis in front of the oldest! They lucked out (sarcasm) because my sis got HD and they finally had a real reason to take the oldest. They won, but now they want more. They want to take the only thing my sis has left. Her 2 youngest daughters who adore her! The ex and his wife can be very mean and vindictive but put on a good show for the court and lawyers. It helps that they are pretty well off. (Please remeber these are not ANY relation to the youngest. The youngest are my sis's and her current husband's children..) I want to have faith in them, but why are they doing this???? Can't they see that this would hurt the girls? Also, I have good reason to believe that they have "poisoned" the oldest's mind against her mom. She is 14 and impressionable. Couple that with the fact that my sis wasn't allowed to see her for 8 months.

I can and do want my nieces, but I am a single mother of 2 and live off a beginning teacher's salary. I look dirt poor in comparison to the ex and his wife. My family cannot lose these girls. The girls cannot lose the only family they have ever known!

BTW most of our family is not "allowed" to see the oldest. I am tempted to get a lawyer, but money is an issue and the court is telling me that I don't need one??? I have scheduled an appointment for a home study (in my new place). It is only an apartment but it has more rooms than my current. The girls currently live with my aunt (their great aunt). I think the case worker and lawyeres realize that she is not a good fit for long-term placement... age/health. But, she loves them and thier mom. The ex and his wife don't really know the girls and hate their mom!

I have no faith in the court system. They only see what they want to see. How do I tell them my involvement in the girls life from day one and that they don't even really know the others????

Sorry for rambling. Such a twisted situation and hard to explain without give details.

I do think you need an lawyer. You may be able to find some sort of legal aid or reduced fee lawyer. In the meantime, write down every time the father visits, calls, etc. And write down every time he was supposed to and did not. If the girls are not living with you, also write down every time you visit, or call. It could go a long way towards showing that you are involved in their lives and that he is not so much. If the girls are school age, the court may give some weight to the fact that they are in a school and that to change schools, towns, family will be a very big and drastic change in their young life. And they seem to have too many big and drastic changes already. If the girls are 12 or older, the court may actually listen to their feelings about where they want to live. If they are at least 10, the court still might hear where they would like to live. The court might also give some weight to your sister's wishes. She might have HD now but she was a good and loving mother while she could be. Did she have anything put down in writing? I think it is possible that the court will give weight to the fact that you are blood related and the others are not. Find out as much as you can about the laws in your state regarding child custody and anything else you think might help.

I would try to write a life history for the girls and your family. It could go towards helping the court understand how you and your family has been there for the girls while this other family has not so much.

I was going to try to go to court by myself. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my baby is more important than anything. I am using my emergency credit card (the only one I have) to pay for the lawyer. I might have to pay 25% interest and be paying the card off for the next ten years but it is worth it to make sure I am as prepared as possible for court.

Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions. I am going through the child custody thing for the third time now. The first was my cousin's daughter. Cousin was a drug addict and abandoned the baby girl with my family. Came back and wanted her child back. We fought her and fought her and eventually we (meaning my parents) were able to adopt my sister. The second time, same cousin, different child. Left with a family friend. She was not blood related to the child and after three years my cousin got her son back. Now, I am fighting for my son.

That is an awFul situation! I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say that I am sending you good thoughts.

Thank you Isa for your thoughts and Salamander for your advice. Sometimes it's hard to see your own situation objectively. I am afraid of doing something wrong or saying the wrong thing (something that would make the court view me negatively)...

I also want to maintain a good relationship with my sis's ex and his wife as they have already cut-off most of my family from seeing the oldest daughter. Maybe their intentions are good... I would hate to go to court being the only person willing to take the girls and then the judge say I am not fit... If they get them I know they would be taken care of well; I just fear the loss of family they will experience and ecspecially of thier mom.

Just so you know, as long as your sister is recognized as the mother (her parental rights have not been revoked) she should have some sort of visitation rights to her children. I understand the oldest is old enough to choose if she sees her mother or not but there may be some way for her to have some visitation with her kids. Just in case her ex gets the kids, she should still have rights, no matter how sick she is. I don't know if that helps you or the situation but I am praying for you all.

Yeah, my sis will have visitation rights we are sure of that. The issue is the ex and his wife have bullied my sis for 10 years about the oldest leadin from taking the oldest, then pushing for less time, and now taking it all away. They have put very bad thoughts about my sis into the mind of the oldest. They have no compassion for HD and the effects it has on a person. The oldest is living thinking my sis has just become a bad mom. They are not explaining to the child the true effects of HD. Also, If I were to mention this to her; they would cut me off as well.

Not to mention every visit my sis has had with her oldest, prior, to the stopping of the visits has been a battle. They use the system to thier advantage. Purposefully making it extremely difficult to even get to see the oldest. The only way to make it work is to continue to go to court to get the rules enforced. They have the money and they know we don't. And my sis is in no condition to fight anymore.

Literally, they have been in and out of court, for the oldest for 10 yrs! They have slowly stripped my sis of being a mother. Now they want to take the other 2 who have no relation to them at all.

I have to have faith in God, that he will not let this happen.

I would think getting custody would be in your favor, giving the fact that they are not family. As long as you can provide a safe and loving home for them. I would definitely get a lawyer. Can I ask what State you live in? Does the oldest child know that her mom has HD? I wonder if her dad is trying to keep it a secret.

I live in Michigan. Our county is small town USA. I would think it would be in my favor except the case worker is quite found of the ex and his wife. The DHS and CPS have recently (few months ago..) went through an underhall mandated by the state. They now outsource the case workers to a private company. The current case worker has not been with us the entire time. In fact, since the new company's involvement my sister's visitation time has dropped significantly and the case worker has made some pretty unprofessional comments regarding my sis. She has no respect for my sis and truly does not understand what HD really does to a person's thinking, reasoning, etc...

My oldest niece does know she has HD, but their philosophy is to act as if it doesn't exist. Any mistakes and including losing the two youngest are completely my sis's fault (according to them). My niece went from loving her her mom to telling her that she has never been a mother to her....

In their defense, after all the chaos that has happened: I do beleive the oldest is better off with her dad. She will have a better life and was sheltered from many of the devastating effects of HD and other family traumas. The issue is; my sis being completely cut off and my oldest niece losing all faith in her mom.

She needs to know that HD has changed her mom. She needs to know that you can live positively with HD. When she turns 18 and realizes she has a 50/50 risk of HD: I do not want her to think "I will become a terrible person and my dad and stepmom will hate me." I believe that HD can not be ignored! Secrecy and denial lead to devastation. Honesty, positive outlook, preperation, and gaining coping skills is what will prepare these girls for thier future. Whether the end up with HD or not; they will someday have to face the 50/50 risk scenario that we all know is truly truamatic.

This is a difficult situation. You are a wonderful aunt for doing your best to help your family. Let us know how it all turns out. I would think that blood relatives would prevail, but it probably would be best to try to get a lawyer to help. Best of luck.

I would demand a different case worker. Its not right that she knows your sister's ex and his wife. Good luck. Your sister is very lucky to have you on her side.

Bluedaisey,

Maybe there should be a guardian ad litum appointed for the girls by the court. Their only job is to stand up for the children and what would be in their best interests.
What a mess! You are amazing to be going forward to try to gain custody of the girls...good luck to you!

Take care,

Carla