Last night my bf - who lives with me- got totally irrational. He has huntington's. We have been together for 3 years. I have noticed he is more and more irritable. I have 4 children - the older 2 came home recently for a short time. The dissagreement escalated to him trying to swerve the car into traffic while I was driving. He even asked if I was ready to die and said he was. When we got home he took the only car key - the argument continued and he walked away. I have not seen him since. His belongings and his dog are at my house. I cannot use my car. His phone is dead - and the charger is in the house too. I love him but I can't live like this anymore. My younger children are 12 and 15. My heart is sick with worry. I don't want to lose him but how can I go on like this? He is always negative and critisizing and calls me a bitch all the time. Please help me.

Does he have any family you can call? Or friends? I wish I could tell you exactly what to do. Is he on any meds? Can you get him to a doctor? You need to do your best to take care of your kids. It is not a good environment for them with someone who is always negative, criticizing, etc. I have read that meds can make a huge difference. Prayers for you and your family. Good luck!

So sad. A terrible situation. Your first priority is your kids though. I know you know this: you can't allow your children to be put in danger. Right now he is dangerous. Not his "fault." He is suffering to, but you can't add to that suffering by allowing your whole family to be compromised. Think back to when your bf is/was totally rational... would he want your kids to be in a situation like that? I'm sure the answer is no.

Try to find additional support for your bf, but get your children away. It is what he would want. You must remember this. Maybe with the right care (meds, therapy, etc...) you can go back...

Praying for your bf and childrens safety. You might consider contacting the authorities and tell them he is suicidal. They have to take him then and place him in a psych ward; it sounds bad, but it may be an option to help him get some medications figured out and help him mentally.

We met and talked last night and he did come home. The evening was quiet and uneventful. And yes he is concerned about the children and what they think. We went by his dad's grave before we went home - he just passed in March and yes he had huntington's too. He has not been to his doctor in a while I will talk to him about going and see if he will let me go with him - I think that would help both of us. Thank you so much for the caring advice. I have figured out I cannot do this alone I need a place to turn and let everything out.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/18/2012 07AM by aloneandscared.

Does he still drive? Can he get himself around without you? I would NOT drive with him in the car anymore for one thing. Here's what I ask people to think about. When your Phd was healthy, what would he want to happen? Would he want you to walk on eggshells? Would he want his kids to see him like this and live in fear? DO what he would want you to do when he had logical thinking. It is possible to keep you eye on him AND live away from him also. You need a solution NOW. Meds will help hopefully but how long will it take to get the meds and for them to kick in? You need to get your kids away NOW and then try the meds!

No he does not drive anymore. He does walk places when he has no other choice. He has alienated his entire family. His sister does check in with me to find out how he is doing. I resent his mom leaving him to me alone but I guess I understand. I feel like I am all he has. He does talk to his kids on a regular basis and they come to see him alot. He does a lot for them - works on his daughters car when she has problems. He's a good man and I hate this.

You are in a tough situation. Like others have said, your children have to come first. It can be very difficult to find the right meds. When my husband began acting out, we tried everything and most meds had no effect on him. He got so bad that my only choice was to have him placed in a nursing home. I was ready to pack up with my kids and walk out because I wasn't getting any help and I was terrified for my kids and myself. I would insist that he get help. You have to be prepared that things may not work out.

That's a terrible situation. I feel for you. Sending good thoughts your way!

Everything seems to be calm for the time being - it seems to go in cycles. I need to try to identify what sets him off.

Getting him to a doctor would be a good choice. Medications can make a world of difference.

Hi Alone,

As the others have said here, you must put the safety of you and your children first. Pat had a good point, one that I need to remember when tough times come into our lives.
Would my son have wanted me to be frightened of him? No he would not, when he was well. But he is no longer himself at times, So I need to do what is needed to still love and take care of him without losing myself in anxiety and fear.
Think about how you can balance the need for a safe and calm environment for you and the kids, with doing what you can to help him. Sending hugs your way...HD is so complicated.

Take care,

Carla

Hello, This will be my first post on this site...when I read this message, like many others on this site, I can identify with your situation, but yours stands out to me. My boyfriend has HD, we found out last year. Since then he has been so up and down with his moods, and often will put me down, although he's never called me a bitch per se, he's said I am an awful person, and jabbed at parts of my personality, and now he's trying to get out of this relationship, after we had talked about marriage and kids.

I told myself, and him, that if he was any other guy, I would leave him, because like you say, it becomes unbearable, but I really do love him so much that I can't leave.

Why do you stay with yours if it's the way it is, especially concerning your kids? Does he want you to stay with him? Is he jealous? Does he ever talk about leaving, or you leaving?

The reason I ask you these things is I ask myself the same, and the only reason I come up with is that I can't leave because I love him and want to be a positive in his life. But now that we've learned he has this disease, he doesn't want me to stay with him.

The others who responded to your post asked about and suggested meds. Is your boyfriend on meds or has he tried them before for the treatment of his emotional symptoms? Mine refuses to even see a doctor because he says there's no point.

Like yours, my bf is a good man too, and like you, I hate this too.

Hang in there.