it has been a yera since my last post. i hope all is good with evryoen at this site. i have been in eht hospital 2 times since ym last post and am still struggling. my last admission was 3 weeks ago and i was put back on the meds i stopped taking. i stopped taling the clozeral and thgngs went downhill. it was slow but steady.. i stopped tgaking the clozeral because i was sleepgng all day. but i am trying to deal woith the sleeplinewss.

i am having a great dela of difficulty with my day to day thgns i have to get done, just ahowergng has become a great task. and i want to sleep all day i am havring a hard roday. i just dont want to do this anymore. i was released from the hospitall l ast t friday ans i have been feeling myself slpi fi\urther down since i got home.

i am also having a harder time with the hd stmotoms. my ballkance is terrinble. ans the movements at there and my weight is gowing down hill fast. i an hungry and i am eating but i guess it isw not enough to sustain my weight. i am very fustrated with all that is going on,

i am scared of having to go back in to the hospital so i am doing my best to handle the day to day living.

i have the best husband in the world. he has been right beside the whole time and is wonderfuland helping me with all i need and he backs off when needed. i got very lucky when i married him 17 years ago. i know he took on a great burden wehn i married him. he was there for me when my mon does of hd. he hose to marry me reguardless of my hd status.. i owe him so much. he never looks th e ther way when needed and is there for me when needed. eh cries with m e when the time comes. and he ignores me when i get nasty an we are fighting and he never leaves. he juat loves me no matter what. only if i could love myseklf. i am so mixed up.

my children are a blessing they halp me when i need it. they are both bipolar so i know how they feel. so my household i never quied or boring. my son takes his meds religerasly and my daughter keeps stopping her lythium a few times a month becuwse she hated the way it makes her feel she likes the manic feelling she gets when she stoppes her meds. then when she crashing for not being her meds it is a very hard fall. i am my wits end with hter and her meds. anyine have any ideas for getting her to take her meds????

is there anyone who gets what i am trying to say with the way i feel off and ond my meds?? o just want to sleep. i know i am down and depressed abd that is part why i am feeling down. and the other part is my meds. is there any light at the end of hte tuinnel. io feel lilke i am sitting on top of the grey clouds and waiting to burst out with train. and then i get a flood of emotions both good and bad.

is it bad to keep your feeloings in? what can male it easier to vent. i feel like i am hurting my husband ehns we fight but he just stamds thjere saying i love you everu time

then i lay in has arms amd he tells me it will be ok i feel safe lilke i cant get hurt. but i know the feeeling iget will go away. an i wrong for feeling this way??? why deoes he love me i have hurt him so mmuch. but he keeps comming back fr more

i hope i did not rant on. if there is anyoner can understand the way i feel plrase give advice. i hope ia well with you all.

marilee56

Dear Marilee,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Depression can strike even when you don't have all the things you are dealing with. I wish I had some advice but I don't. I am sending prayers and hugs your way.

I am so sorry you are not doing better, Marilee, but I'm proud of you for striving for the best quality of life possible. HD does make you tired and sap your energy but it's possible that the medication is making you tireder than you need to be. I would check with the doctor and see if he or she can switch the more sedating meds to be taken at bedtime. Also I would talk to him about the persistence of the depression. You don't have to feel that way and maybe a medication adjustment is in order.

I know you don't want to be a burden to your husband but people who love you want to take care of you. I took care of my mother with cancer, my grandmother with heart disease, and helped with my dad who had heart disease. I wouldn't have it any other way. I took care of my husband with HD for more than 7 years until he refused to be cooperative and work on the anger issues. If he had, I'd still be married to him. Your husband knows you are doing the best he can and I bet he is proud of you. Ask yourself, if you were well and your husband were chronically ill, would you take care of him? One of my friends was at risk for HD, worried about being a burden but tested negative. Her husband developed a terminal illness and she took great care of him until he died. She wanted to be with him and she was. We never know what life will bring!

Sending big cyber-hugs! Keep us posted!!!

Welcome back. Sorry things are so difficult for you. I am so glad that your husband stands by you.
Paula

Well I see your trying has improved since last year. I understand the depression and struggles. Your husband and kids love you then and now. Your husband chose to be with you and your struggles. He is a caring and compassionate whose only purpose is to be there for his wife and kids.

I know that you have an appt coming up for the clinic next month I think. Try and hold on until then. Maybe then you can work with the meds. Otherwise call Christine. Dont wait too long.

I wont survive if something happens to you.

I love you!!! As I have tears in my eyes. I know we dont say it enough.

Call me. You know you can anytime.

Stacy

My mom started showing symptoms when I was 11. I grew up taking care of her. Changing her diapers and feeding her while I was trying to grow up as a teen. I loved her like no one else. My dad loved her and just lived his life for her too. Please just love your family back and weather the storm. Let go and enjoy them while you are able too. Every day is a struggle with kids, even when they've no health problems. You definately have your hands full. But you sound so strong! And you sound like a great mom! Hang in there and keep posting..it's great to get it all out.

Laurie