Tumbling down this tunnel called HD
Getting bruised, Getting beaten
By small things other people simply call life
How do I stand I feel so alone
How can I face the future
A future unknown yet well known
Is pressure the weight
It is all too much
For me to carry alone
One eye wishes for future
The other eye mesmerized by this disease in my body
How can I possibly push and look to the future
As little pieces and parts of me drift away
I long for rest and relaxation but as long as my mind
Knows what is going on theres no hope for that
I want to be like others that have fought this disease so brave positive and til the end
But I drift so far away from any part that would seem to soothe or calm
Day is like night and Night is like day
Is there ANYTHING that can take this pain away?!

Melissa, i do know exactly what you're saying, hang in there hon. I've felt like that many many times, and actually, right now im feeling like that again too. It happens when we see what we used to be able to do before hd, and then when we have hd, we keep trying to keep up with what the old me used to be able to do. But when i learned to clear my plate of expectations from others, and from myself, then we actually feel a new happiness. It's a letting go of the old us, and finding the new us that we can be happy with. And right now, i've put too many expectations on myself again lol, my own worst enemy, and so that's why im feeling like this again too. But i promise you, you will feel better. And you'll start to enjoy the little things. It's just the letting go of the big things thats hard, i know...hang in there hon, you will be happy again



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2011 11:35PM by Barb.

Melissa-

What Barb stated is well said and is very much true.

I remember a saying which I think sums it up very well "The small things in life are the big things."

Things will get better - just let them and do not be so hard on yourself.

Sharon

I hope you're doing ok Melissa. How are you and your baby doing? Raising a baby period can be stressful, so don't be too hard on yourself. You'll pull through this, i know you will

{{{{Melissa}}}} Sending warm hugs your way, hang in there.

Carla

Thanks everyone! Barb, the baby will be 3 in Jan!! She is higher functioning special needs which makes things especially hard!! Just had to start her on a new diet as she has some intolerances. That has been a time consuming mess! No cheese,gluten, peanut butter,cantaloupe, or eggs. I just can't catch a break! She really is the one with the expectations and I must meet them, there is noone else. My husband still lives in the place called denial. O he sees the HD in me but tries to look over it, hes scared I can see that but it doesn't stop me from feeling alone and unsupported!!! My little lady keeps me going cause she needs me. If she didn't ....... Theres no support group here I wish there were!!
Thanks for letting me whine!!
Melissa B.

It's not whining when you talk to us. We understand. You're doing just fine with the baby.

Will

We are all here for you Melissa! Sounds like you are a great Mom and your daughter is lucky to have you!

Melissa, wow, i didn't realize she is almost 3, wow! And what does higher functioning mean? If you don't mind me asking. Does that mean like autism or something? You really do have a full plate, i think you're doing great, and just hang in there

Melissa;
You have stated your feeling so well, I am thankfull that you could do this for all of us. I know how hard that must be. I will pray for you & all of our at Risk, & PHD family. My heart is feeling so much sorrow for all you have lost. Please Melissa know that you are not alone, my son is 32 (CAG) 45, he is feeling just like this, I see how much I am loosing him everyday!! I ask God to give us a treatment & a cure now. Thank you again Melissa you are brave in telling us your feeling & what is in your heart, getting your feeling out & talking about them will make you stronger to fight this aweful disease.
Brenda

You are all very kind!! It does help to get it out!!
Barb, the docs were thinking autism but after starting her on the diet she is doing ALOT better. Now if I could get her to be ok with seperating from me rest could be coming.
Again Thanks EVERYONE for the support!! Melissa