This is only the second time I have ever written anything on this site, but I read it everyday. Two years ago I tested positive for the HD gene. After, I did a lot of feeling sorry for myself having watched my mother die from it and knowing what my future held. I was finally coming to terms with this fact when I got hit with another bombshell. Three months ago I went to a Neurologist because I lost feeling in my right arm and hand and was having pins and needles in them. He looked through my medical records and noticed that in 1995 I had Optic Neuritis in my left eye, 1996 I had Vertigo, 1997 depression and mood swings started, 1998 dropping things and lose of balance, 2000 anger out burst and 2001 the numbness in my arm and hand. Then he proceeded to tell me that he thought all of these things were not just HD but also MS. I couldn't believe it I wanted to crawl under a rock and just die. The reason I had the HD testing done in the first place was because I was having all of these symptoms. Who would have known that HD and MS have almost the same beginning symptoms? What are the chances of this happening? Is there anyone out there who knows of anyone who has both? I have had extensive testing done over the past three months and on Monday I go to have them read by an MS specialist. I was told that even if they come back negative that doesn't mean I don't have it. It just means that it's too early to be diagnosed. At this point I am almost positive that it is. The Optic Neuritis, Vertigo and numbness are all the first signs of MS and I have had all three. I just can't understand why God would give me so much to handle. I am only 40 years old and now the MS will take away what little time I have left healthy before I go into full blow HD.

Hi, Lynn. I'm so sorry for your troubled times. I hope it won't be MS. Our bodies seem to be such weak things prone to anything Nature can dish up. When I was 32 I developed arthritis that keeps me from doing what I want. Then ten years later I learned I have HD. All I can look forward to are the little bitty accomplishments that are still possible for me. They seem like a lot to me and I'm proud of what I've done in writing, artwork, working on the Internet (selling on ebay), and sometimes volunteering with a reading program for kids. I hope you have friends or family to lean on a little. Like you I read this board all the time, but just write once in awhile. Let us know what happens.

Debbie,

Thank you for responding. Thank God that I do have a wonderful family and friends to lean on. My husband Pete is the most wonderful man in the world. He has been through more these past two years than anyone should have to endure in a life time. I thank God everyday for him. I have a 16-year-old daughter Jen and a 15-year-old son Andrew. Things are a little harder on them because they are too young to truly understand the magnitude of what is to come. My husband never met my mother, so he too can only guess how bad things will get. But I know. I have seen it all and feel sorry for them and feel anger towards myself for bringing this into our family.

Lynn

Dear Lynn,

Your plight brings me to a firm belief in Psalm 77:14..."You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the people.". I pray for this miracle for you. Dealing with HD is painful enough as I am a 38 year old person with HD. My prayer for myself is small..that I can get my girls through high school without affecting them in an emotional or physical way. My girls are young and I would have years ago not wanted them to grow up, but now I look forward to the time when they are out of the house and in college. Not for myself but for them..their safety..physically and mentally. So far everything has been great...by now my mom was already in and out of mental hospitals..I'm not like her at all..I believe my faith has carried me past that. Don't get me wrong, I want my girls to live with me forever..we are perfect and I adore them and my husband. I'm just afraid at times the HD will affect our relationship. So, you see, we don't need large prayers..every little step is essential in our life and important. I take pride in working on my daily life with them instead of focusing on the future I won't have. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. They are my life and my job is to give them the best little life they can have and to be the "rock" for them as God is my "rock" for me. All my faith is in God..what is meant to be is meant to be. Enjoy every second, every moment, every breath, every smile..Of course I'm sure you do this anyway. I don't look at HD as a death sentence..I know that there will be a cure...I look at it as a peak into what may be my future so guess what? People I never tell I loved them..I do now...people I never let pass me in the checkout counter....I do now...My friends, family, and others that mean so much to me...I tell them how much now...I NEVER take anything for grant....I talk and communicate better with everyone because I know that tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us....and life is full of genuine and cherished moments...Even if it is this perfect blue ocean that I live near...or the perfect sunset...sunrise...the warmth of the sun..my child smiling and beaming at me in admiration...being a loving wife...being a loving daughter of a mother with HD...listening to her ramble on by phone for 2-3 hours every Sunday....It's all worth it because I am contributing to someone else's happiness...Trust me..It's the ultimate life with or without HD..Yes I do pray for a cure but I also pray for my faith to carry me through anything and the strength to endure all. No one could ever understand anothers predicament but I hope and pray you will find some peace through all of this..I'll bet your children adore you.. Love and special hugs for you and God Bless....Sunshine Cindy

Cindy,

Thank you so much for making me see the light that I was missing. I sent you an email.

Lynn