by the way my CAG is 47, how about that, you can still be typing in your 60's.. Im sorry you have HD.

I am sorry about your HD also, but it's still no excuse to go on the attack. There are all kids of sad stories here.... and if we each used them as an excuse to to tell people to f-off.. all anyone would be saying was that. People relate to stories.. not being attacked. One can respectfully disagree. Even strongly... but not with names and disguised cussing. It may make you personally feel better but makes the entire forum feel worse. It's just not tolerated.

Keving-

I am sorry for the horrible past you had. No one deserves a past like that. It gives me some insight as to why you are angry. I never had
near a past as you did so I do feel for you.

The people on this forum are wonderful people who have their own crosses to bear as well. Everyone helps each other with whatever they can-
you might even see a joke or two. I don't know what I would have done without finding this site.

Keving, all those you have helped with HD and all - this also tells me you are a very caring compassonate individual.

There is a Center of Excellence for HD in Englewood, Colo. near the Swedish Hospital. My husband and I have been there a few times even
it is an 8 hour drive for us. I know they will help people who are financially unable to do all they need to do.

Here are a few telephone numbers I had for it - they can change on occasion and it has been awhile since I have used them but hopefully
one of them can get you started if you want. The telephone numbers are: 303-788-4600 or 303-762-6674 or 303-357-5452. I am sure
someone at one of those numbers could direct you to the appropriate person to talk with to get an appt in the HD clinic.

Good Luck Keving

Kevin I'm very sorry to hear what you've been through with HD in your family. Everyone here has had different individual experiences with HD but a lot of people really do understand what you've been through. Abuse, death threats, suicide, a life of dealing with family members with HD then having to contend with it yourself are the extremes, but many people here have had to contend with some or all of the above. One of the things I love about this forum is that it's obvious that having HD and a life of HD experiences doesn't give anybody a green light to react badly when others are trying to help and support them.

I know it doesn't make anything better for you to hear that others have gone through similar experiences, but this is a wonderful place to get ideas by listening to how others choose to deal with HD. It's not just about medication, it's about mindset, outlook and the importance of being able to vent to people who understand.

Kevin,

I can hear the pain and anguish in your posts. Often, rather than admit how scared we are of what is happening, we use anger instead. I hope you can find a doctor who will treat you. As the others here have said, there are meds that can help. But you have to take the first step, you've taken care of many family members with HD...now is the time to take care of yourself. Good luck to you.

Carla

Hi Kevin- I experience a lot of anger about this disease myself and I don't even have HD (it's slowly taking away my adoptive family- one side). So, I cannot begin to imagine what it's been like for you. My being pissed off leaks out of me sometimes (but again,its likely nothing close to what you're experiencing). You most certainly deserve to be (much) happier than you are. And I wish I knew what to say to make it better. You were looking for med suggestions? Fortunately, there are many to try however the wait to see what happens with each trial is probably equally frustrating or can be. It sounds like you have multiple stressors including your financial one - and that's a real kick in the ass after everything else. I've worked in emergency psych crisis (yes, those annoying clinicians who come in after you've tried to kill yourself- My team is pretty down to earth though, not too sunny) for 10 years and have worked with people in all types of crisis. I've seen healing, although it seems rare, it can happen. I hope you give yourself a chance, even though I know it probably feels like you're falling down a black hole. I genuinely hope that you think about sticking around (here on earth and here on the site). Thanks for reading. ..

Keving . . .

Just imagining going through all that breaks my heart. I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry.

I think the people who told you to 'buck up' said that because, at the end of the day . . . there are some things that will be survived only through sheer determination. HD is what it is, there's nothing that will take away all that this disease has done to you (though there are things that will help). But there comes a moment when you either decide "F this, I'm going to pretend to be happy and pray it works" or you don't decide that, and you just suffer.

So they didn't mean to be cold or belittle your suffering -- they're just trying to give you the best advice they've found. I'm sure we all wish there was an easier way.