My son is turning into someone I don't know.
He doesnt socialize with anyone here at home, especially me. Today he told me that he doesn't like me. I in return told him that if he doesn't like me, he does'nt have to live here. I even put some of his things on is bed, and told him to finish packing and go if he was so miserable here.

I feel angry that I raised him, made his life easy, do his wash, make his meals, buy his clothes, and he can look at me and say he doesn'[t like me. I am a single mom, and go to work and school, and I work to provide for him and his brother, and he has the nerve to say he doesn't even like me! I think he is angry at me because I confronted him with symptoms he has of JHD. What was I suppose to do? continue to ignore it? I saw things for a year before I finally took him to a neurologist, and he refused to be tested. Neurologist confirms what I see, so did family doctor. But he didn't want tested. I am ok with that, there is no cure, so what is the purpose.
His final grades for 11th grade was 3 D's, 1 F, and 1 C !! He really has the attitude that he doesn't care. His attitude is he does'nt care about anyone or anything.
I fuss at him for taking 4 showers a day. There is no need to take an hour shower at night, and as soon as he gets up, he takes another one. He also takes a shower through the day if hegoes outside etc. He also uses atleast 10 q tips daily. There is no reason to use numerous amounts of Qtips. He is getting bull headed just like his father. This morning as I awoke for work at 5:15am, my son was up, and in the bathroom, his bed made, when I asked why he was up, and said he was going out to ride his bike.. HELLO!!! at 5:30 am, and its still dark outside!!

He is no longer the sweet son I knew. Instead, he wants nothing to do with me, and I am getting to feel the same about him. I am tired of trying to have a conversation with a child who doesn't even want to talk to me.

Today I purchased him a one way ticket to his dads house 600 miles away. His dad has HD, and is cared for by his father, (my sons grandpa). I only got a one way, because I don't think I want him back as long as he has a bad attitude towards everything. His grandfather told me today, that he may have bitterness about the JHD, and he is bitter because everyone else in the house "so far" is symptom free. I feel like he is angry towards me because of the JHD.
Anyway,, just wanted to vent here. I am just tired of the behavior already, and I am sure its only the beginning. I am not sure I want to deal with it.

Aww Cbreeze I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
For most of us with at risk children I think our biggest fear is seeing symptoms of Jhd in our children.
Maybe some time apart will help, I hope so.

When the neurologist confirmed what you saw how did you react? Were you upset or did you hold your emotions in check?
I ask because of something my daughter (not at risk) said to me once. At 14 she had a 10 hour surgery to correct a 55 degree curve in her spine. I was so upset and scared but I refused to show it in front of her. For weeks before the surgery I refused to cry in front of her and kept telling her everything was going to be fine. I could see she was scared and I figured if she saw how scared I was it would make things worse. After surgery while I cared for her in so much pain, again I would never take my game face off.

A few months after surgery she wanted to start training for fall sports at school. I told her no way (she was to be restricted for a year) and she blew up. She said "what do you care? You never even shed one tear through everything I've been through!"

OMG! It had never occured to me that by my 'trying to be strong' she (no doubt in her typical teenage thinking) was interpreting it as me being uncaring and cold! Wow was that a wake up call. All those tears I held back just came flooding out.
Thankfully in the end we got through it and both made compromises.

I guess what I'm saying here is don't give up on him yet. I'm sure deep down he's scared and has no idea how to deal with all these things. No young man his age should have to deal with this. If someone had told me at 17 that I had Jhd I would probably act out and be mad at the world too. Let him spend time with his father and grandfather but please don't let him think you've given up on him. Keep talking even if your the only one doing the talking. He needs you even if he is too stubborn and angry to show it.

cbreeze, I totally agree with the message indigo wrote when she said, "Don't give up on your son yet...deep down he's scared and has no idea how to deal with all these things." I have to say that I too think that is exactly what is going on. I have an at-risk son who also has autism. We have many bad days here with things he says that seem irrational (I'm sure to him they are rational...he just sees things differently) and behavior problems. He has problems with aggression. It's like his brain is a bit mis-wired. But we are working to find solutions.
I find when we're around each other too much we get on each other's nerves. Is there anyway you can have some breaks apart? I think the idea of him going to his dad is a good one, but please try not to do it out of anger. Let him know that you love him, but things have to change because you're having a hard time. Maybe say you think it would be healthy if you both have a vacation from each other. Write him a note if you can't say the words.
I also feel that sometimes how I react to my son can make a huge difference in how he reacts to me. A lot of times I think the problem is all his, but I can see that I sometimes unknowingly make things worse instead of better. Have you two gone for counciling therapy? Even if you have and you felt it didn't help, I would try again with a different therapist. I tell my son we want to be problem solvers and we won't give up until we find solutions. My boy has some bad feelings about himself for several reasons. I keep trying to tell him that I love him and I won't give up on him even when there are many days I really don't feel that way. I wish things could be different, but they are not and I have decided to try to make the best out of the situation.
I may be wrong, but I think if you send him away to his dads in anger or with the feeling you've given up on him, it will cause you great sorrow later. I would recommend that you try to let him know you love him, but things have to change and you want to work with him to find solutions. There are no easy answers here. I understand you feel you're at your wits end. It is true you need to be kind to yourself too. Good luck. This is a very heartbreaking story.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2011 08:57AM by eve.

Wow you are angry and frustrated at this kid who has turned into a monster, I get it. Been there and done that, went thru same thing.
This is what you have to understand. He 'is not' the kid who was so adorable as a child. He is a kid in the early stages of HD and this is how it manifests sometimes. He cannot help a lot of what you are mad about. The showers, introvertedness, poor grades etc. So be mad at the disease.... not him. He will not have the same life that other kids have, he will be on meds sooner than later and you really need to help him get meds so hopefully he will become part of that old kid you once held in your arms.
Seriously I understand your anger but it dosen't help. If you really can't do that then it really is probably best for him to go live with his grandfather.

Please don't give up on your son. There could be many things going on here.
He has to be scared and believe it or not he can sense how you feel and that makes him even more unsecure and apt to act out.
You need to realize it is the illness and not him.

On the other hand, I wonder if you may be acting out unknowingly as well. The anger I pick up from your post that you have directed at
your son may be your anger at the illness and you are manifesting it toward him which isn't right although you may not realize it.

Try to be calm with him - tell him you are sorry but that you will always be there for him (if his mother isn't going to be there for him, who will?).
Very scary for a child which he is. I would also let him know how you love him and always will and that you will help him get help which can
make his life more manageable and more normal so to speak. It will also make him realize that there is some hope which there is.
If you could get him to a psychiatrist who is familiar with HD or one who you could talk to prior to the appt - your son could be put on a
medication that could greatly help him thus helping you as well. He needs to feel that you love him, you are there for him and that there
are medications that can help him which there are. A trip to see his dad is fine but if he feels it will be a one way ticket can you imagine
how he must feel? All people need to feel hope and any hope you can give your son will calm him somewhat and come back to calm you.

cbreeze- who do you have for support? I encourage you to seek out some help (and I apologize if you have or if you don't want to- I'm not aware yet of that). Someone who understands first hand about this horrid illness and what it does to people. You need support through this- it really is a unique experience and not in good ways. I don't have children but I can tell you firsthand I took my frustrations out on my mother when I was really pissed at what the illness was doing to her. It's hard to tell how much of that she took in, but now I'll never have the chance to reconcile it with her because she actually died suddenly last fall. And while I know she knew that I loved her and supported her, the guilt ans shame I feel for my mis-directed anger (at her) will never go away. I can't imagine having to watch a child go through this- but I'm begging you to find some support around this. The grief, sadness and anxiety is enough, never mind if you add a healthy dose of guilt to it too. Believe it- it will make you feel so much worse. I'm glad you reached out to others on here- take their advice and support. Hoping for better days ahead for you and your family.

My son doesnt talk about the JHD. He doesnt care about anything. I have not intention on going to counseling. I also am not taking my son to counseling. Why? I am not going to pay someone to have me do all the talking. I am not taking my son to sit in a room and not talk. He could have done better in school, but he chose not to. He could communicate here at home, but for months he chose not to. I took him to the doctors a few months ago to address the fact that maybe he is depressed, but he told the doctor he was fine, and the doctor did nothing, it was a wasted trip to the doctor.
He only stays here because he has no place to go, he admits he doesnt want to be here. He expressed his dislike for me. His stating his dislike to me was my final straw. His plane leaves tomorrow. I have not spoke to him since yesterday, and really have nothing to say to him. When I take him to the airport tomorrow, it will be in silence.
His grandfather is not aware that I prefer he not come back home. He has his hands full with my sons father. But I don't care to have a person in my home who can look directly at me an say they do not like me. Why do I want to continue to support him? I don't.
I don't believe his personality is all JHD. I think he knows exactly what he says and does. If I thought he was confused, that would be different. But he knows how he acts and the things he does and does not say.
As for the statement if a mother does'nt stand by her child, who will? That I can't answer, because I am putting my son on a plane, and at this point dont care to hear from him.

every kid tells there parents that they dont like them its a part of being a parent. Ive probably heard this 20 times in my life. and no matter what I
always forgive them and love them.I have a son and a daughter around the same age and they can be a handful. I know they love me too weather
we say it or not. last time my daughter said at the end I think we both need a vacation.
every parent and child is different i guess. I know a boy whos parents kicked him out at 18 and I told him I would never do that to my son
even if he does drive me crazy.
Laura

cbreeze, just want to tell you i'm completely with you and supportive to what you've had to decide. I'm so sorry things came to this, but i think he will have a real reality check being with his dad and grandpa, and maybe that will be good. Hang in there

cbreeze, I think you are furious and have every right to be. I think your son crossed a line, and you are giving him notice by saying, If you want to live with me, you will respect me. Even if he has the disease, he is still able to function physically, it sounds like, so he probably does have the ability to learn and see consequences. I hope when he's gone, you will feel better and be able to go to the next step, whatever that might be.

Cbreeze,

I'm so sorry for what you and your son are going through right now. One of the things I know about HD is that it is completely unpredictable. I think, in looking back, that my son Tim also has JHD. Growing up, he was more than a handful, willful and volatile and at times he still is.
He lives in a residential facility now, but just last week he got mad at me when I was down for a visit. He said he was "done with me", threw a fit, told the staff that if I called to tell me he wasn't there, etc. I used to take these things personally, but not so much anymore.
He moves on and gets over it and then we pick up from there. When I went down this past Wednesday, I jokingly asked him if he was done being done with me? He was, he had missed me. We moved on.
This disease is stealing pieces of my sons every day, I don't have time now to hold a grudge. But you are where you are right now, I hope that the respite from your son brings you some peace, a renewal of your energy, and a release of your anger. Take a break from HD for now.

Take care,

Carla