For about 6 years someone worked for me who had Huntington's Disease. I knew almost immediately but she was in the early stages and we kept her on as long as we could.
Afterwards she would vists us until she could not easily walk or get around.
We called her too from time to time but then only got her answering machine. However now we understand that she has been in Cardinal Cooke for the past year and calling her phone always gets an answer by someone saying she is not in her room.
Her husband divorced her prior to her admission to Cardinal Cooke and both of her parents are dead; most of her siblings live out of town and I don't know their names.
My question is could I just go up there and "drop in" to see her and I am not sure what condition she is in. But all of us who worked with her here in our library miss her and think of her. If her mind is intact we would love to visit or do what we can for her.
Thanks and I have great admiration for all of you on the list.

It would be wonderful of you to visit her. I'm sure she would apprecite it. My brother loved visits from his friends.

You and your friends have good hearts . One of the top things any of us can do to help someone is visit . Even if they are non responsive . It still helps them . If they can respond , that's even better . But , did you know , one of the best ways a person can get the best of care in any of these care facilities , is showing that there are people interested in that person . Dressing in business attire helps also . It sends a signal to the employees that this patient is important . But , visiting no matter what , is kind of all of you . My best thoughts . db

My wife in in a NH. She seemed to like visits... just not long ones and talking might be difficult. So you tend to be in a monologue mode sometimes do most of the talking. I am am pretty good at doing it now. And longish awkward pauses aren't. Turn on the tv and sit.. it's cool. Bring chocolate.. always a hit. Check with the nurses to make sure it's ok and no swallowing issues. And don't read facial expressions for hints... they often times look blank or even mad but are not. But ,yep, go. After a visit or two it's pretty easy stuff.

Eric,

That was a great hint about the facial expressions. I forgot about that.I have a friend who has been affected for about 9 years now and I have to keep remembering that her lack of facial expression does NOT mean that she is not intereted or Not aware of what is going on.The candy was also a good suggestion , if she has no swallowing issues. My brother always loved food.

Yes, be prepared to do almost all of the talking. Maybe they could think of things to talk about ahead of the visit so they are not let with long silent, pauses. My wife has a blank look 99% of the time, but she has intellect. They understand more than we think they do. I suggest reminiscing with them. I recently have begun telling my wife all the nice things she did (as a neighbor, Girl Scout leader, mom, etc., etc.) because I want her to have memories of what a great lady she is. That is a Christams gift better than anything you can buy for them. If they have ever sung with them, sing some songs. If you see a twinkle in their eyes, you have done well.

Hi Val,

Visiting can be hard, as you do have to be prepared to do most of the work if the HD friend is in an advanced stage. I arm myself with chocolates and also lots of family photos when I go to see my aunt. When she could respond, my aunt always had a good chuckle when I told her what the kids were up to, so I keep on talking about those things. I'm sure your friend would love to hear some stories about the library gossip.

It is difficult when you get no response, but the visit is definitely worth making.

Thanks for all the replies! I work in NYC where Cardinal Cooke is but do not live there. So I will go next week with one of my staff and let you all know how it goes!

Just a few more suggestions, Don't talk to fast, let an idea seep into the consciousness, but bring up things that you remember the person loves and let your laugh come up. Also talk directly to the person not around them. Sometimes a cold Mcdonalds chocolate shake is better, easier to get down for someone more advanced.

I'm sure your friend will cherish the visit. As mentioned before, you might not realize it due to the facial expression, but please please don't let that stop you from visiting. Just talk about people that she knows from the office, just talk....and dont wait for an answer. Maybe tell a "gossipy" story. My Dad always seemed to react to things like that.

Your thought of visiting, especially at this time of year, is so touching it brought tears to my eyes. Please let us know how the visit goes!!!

I am going to go with a Christmas teddy bear [ small] and see how she is. I plan, hopefully, to continue to visit her and maybe a milkshake will be a good idea. Just want to see whats what. Thanks for all the great advice.
Towards the end of her being able to visit us, we all noticed long silences and we did most of the talking and stayed upbeat so I kinda know what that will be like.

I am going to go with a Christmas teddy bear [ small] and see how she is. I plan, hopefully, to continue to visit her and maybe a milkshake will be a good idea. Just want to see whats what. Thanks for all the great advice.
Towards the end of her being able to visit us, we all noticed long silences and we did most of the talking and stayed upbeat so I kinda know what that will be like.

You sound like lovely people to work with.

Just be prepared as you haven't seen her in awhile and you don't know how fast she has progressed.You will probably be shocked.

Did she have any favourite music?Maybe a Christmas cd to sing to or something?

I hope it goes well.x

Once a month, usually on a Saturday, Cardinal Cooke has an "event" for folks on the HD unit, either an outing or a party. It might be nice if you went on that day, then you could all participate together. Many families go in, and it sounds like hers might not be available. When I was a kid, we went in to take my grandfather down to the auditorium to participate. And when I took a job there after college, I'd help out if I were working.
Katherine Becker is the social worker on the unit - 212-360-3711 (I think), she could possibly let you know what is happening on the unit.

THANKS for that contact.

Visiting would be great!! It's never a bad thing to do something nice for someone and show them you care!