Hello everyone,

I've asked my wife for a separation. It's mainly because I just can't stand too much stuff around the house. It's becoming very overwhelming. I know it's tough on her as well but I think it would be better for the both of us. She doesn't want to give up things, and I totally understand.

Anyone else on here go through this? Thanks...

cheers & Blessings,
Trey

I was diagnosed in January of this year with HD. My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years. We have three kids ages 11,10 and 7. We are having a lot of problems because of this.We always had usual arguments but now we fight almost every day. It is very hard on both of us. My kids do not know yet so they see the tension when we fight and that is not good!My husband gets upset at me if I forget something. It is not like I am doing it on purpose! I try to explain that to him.I also know this is the hardest thing he has ever had to deal with!!He is a wonderful man and a wonderful father!I just hope we will be able to weather the storm!

Julie O

Trey, yes. People have. I perfectly understand you your feelings of the situation being overwhelming. And I am the caregiver. Family life is very difficult with HD. I know you are not implying you don't love and care about your family. You very much do. You may feel a slightly less hectic environment is better, and it may be. You know you can be separate without separating don't you? It can be just about the living arrangement and nothing else. Work on quality of time together and not quantity of it. Does your wife understand this?

I think my family was often very hard on my wife and I insisted we remained under one roof, which was best for me and my feelings and probably much harder on her. I think now I would at least offer her the alternative of her own space. I now wouldn't think of it as failure or anything like that, just as a step for her benefit.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/11/2010 11:59AM by Eric.

It's very important for HD family members to be able to think outside the box. It's no one's business but yours and your wife's what arrangement you come up with to best suit everyone's needs. It is difficult to reconstruct an environment that is calm, orderly, and predictable for someone with HD, especially if there are noisy children, lots of phone calls, the spouse has a variable work schedule, etc.

Years ago one of the friends whose husband had HD rented the apartment next door for her husband. They had a teen who was rather moody and dramatic and teen angst and HD symptoms don't go together. Lots of arguing and stomping around. So Dad lived next door, and came home breafast and dinner and his wife made lunch for him in the morning. After the daughter was off to college, he moved back in and they gave up the apartment.

I also knew a couple where the husband moved out during his wife's angry stage. Another family member she got along with better took care of her for awhile and he continued to support her. Now medication is working, she has calmed down, and the two of them have bought a lovely new dream home in another state.

My best friend and her husband take care of his first wife with HD in their home and everyone is happy with the arrangement. She was on her own and just not able to take care of herself.

We HD families have extended the definition of family and the expanded the meaning of love. I think we do pretty well for all the challenges we face.

Hey Trey, by stuff, do you mean physical stuff in the house, or do you mean to many things going on? I think eric and marsha have really said it good, and hd does effect family life a lot.

Thanks everyone for jumping in. Barb, yes just stuff in the house. Sometimes too many things but mostly just stuff. Like too many cups, too many towels, shoes, almost too much everything...!!!! I know, sounds silly. But most things do seem silly I suppose....

cheers & Blessings,
Trey

Trey,

Have you asked your doctor if a medication or a change in medication might help? I'm no doctor, but this sounds like OCD caused by HD. I think that can be controlled with meds.

Will

I agree with Will regarding meds in general. I hate to sound like a pill pusher, but sometimes we have absolutely no alternative to managing behavior unless meds are given. Now is a good time for spouses to talk about this and how they can work toegther to manage HD and preserve the family relationship. Getting on it before it becomes a huge problem is important.

I find that if I am able to atleast keep the family areas of the house free of clutter it is much easier for my husband with HD to handle. We have 2 small children, who don't keep their rooms clean, I'm working part time and caring for all of them. There just isn't time for everything, but I find if the living room is clutter free he doesn't seem to mind other areas getting too much "stuff"

and yes, we were seperated during his angry stage, but once I could trust he was stabilized, we welcomed him back.

Patty

My husband is horribly bothered by clutter here too (we have a little boy which is part of it). He is going to the doctor in a couple months and is willing to try an SSRI. I'm hoping it will help him to feel better and manage his moods better. Maybe that's worth a try for you? I like Hope's idea too about having at least one area in the house that's clutter free...that's a compromise that might help. But as MArsha says, only you can decide what's best. You might need to try a few different things to find the best fix for you. Good luck.

Hi Trey -
My husband was diagnosed just about 1 year ago and we are in the process of separating. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. He is early stages and the reason behind our splitting up now is that he is an alcoholic and though he has made great strides in that area we are on a roller coaster and he doesn't seem to realize his need for abstinence. He has also recoiled emotionally to the point where we just kindof co-exist.

He has a demanding job that he seems to be doing fine with... he is a great dad (in terms of time spent not in terms of being a partner to me planning and decision-making)... It is all very confusing... I do feel like I should be caring for him and there is so much guilt. Even if he is able to become sober I am not sure what the future will bring. I do think that an "unusual" set-up like Marsha talked about is very possible in my future.

Good luck - nothing easy about this!

What do you do for fun and friendship. I believe that music discipline kept me from deteriorating. HD has taken my lovely tenor voice but I still have a tenor recorder which is good for your lungs, and a digital piano. but I forgot how to play the guitar after 16 years. After buying my grandson 3/4 guitar.
In canada we have legalized MJ for med reasons, and I had a alice b toklas brownie last year which worked exactly the same as my anti anxiety pill except I laughed and laughed which never happens on pills. The anxiety was the same the next day so I could see pot addiction but you are addicted to all the pills the docs prescribe anyway.
Men with HD tend to hide inside with the boob tube. My aquatics has been very good. In the US you should be able to aquatics for common movement disorders.
HD takes years and years to go downhill, so its best to have things to do and places to got which is not sitting at home.

get corel dishes which don't break, and plastic glasses.
Dusty

No Trey, that doesn't sound silly. My husband was officially dx'd about a year ago, and in the past year, I have been getting rid of stuff. Stuff that doesn't matter, that needs to be cleaned, dusted or whatever. Stuff that is stuck in closets, drawers, or just sitting on the shelf. Why? To keep focused on what really matters in ur relationship. US.

Explain that you can't handle it all around, and although you aren't asking that she permanently get rid of it, to please put it away where it doesn't clutter your life. So you can focus on what is important to you.

Love & laughter to you,
Debbie