New and looking for insight into living situations and general coping. My father who is 62 has HD. He was diagnosed two years ago even though he was symptomatic for years prior to that. He has extensive paranoia and delusion issues... which have burned most all of his bridges. I myself had all but stopped speaking with him prior to his diagnosis and am just holding on to threads now. A family friend found him placement in an assisted living situation last year but he has been asked to leave as the staff is not able to handle the neurological side of the disease. He has no interest in leaving and will not discus it with me past a select few colorful words. He does not think highly of me as a person and would never believe that I have his best interest in mind. I have contacted several state agencies where he lives(in a different state) but have been told that I do not have the power to have him placed somewhere. A social worker the family friend talked to said that if he were put out on the street then the state would have to take him in. I cannot bear the thought of my father being homeless but i am not financially or mentally able to take him on myself. I agreed to take on the paperwork side of things when he moved and had no clue what i was getting in to or how out of whack he had let things get. Every step I try to take forward puts me ten steps back. I dread checking the mail and my stomach drops every time the phone rings. How do you love someone who you do not like and who thinks nothing of you. What happens to people with HD who have no one and can't manage their own lives?

This is what makes me so dad gum mad at our country. My husband's former wife lives with us because no one else would help her. We hit the same obsticles you did. They were divorced she got the gorgeous house. My husband BEGGED BOTH lawyers to give her a guardian or appoint someone to handle her finances and allimony so she wouldn't lose everything. What we knew would happen did. SHe spent ALLLLLLLLLL her money.. Mortgage companies took advantage of her and refinaced and she spent all of that money. I'll try to make this brief. Home shopping network, online shopping got all her mrtge money and she was in foreclosure.. 1 cat became MANY cats,, MANY cats. She'd call us when the fuses blew, we'd fix them, change light bulbs, cables. What we saw was SHOCKING.. FILTH, cat poo, cat pee everywhere in sinks, tubs furniture, trash stored in all bedrooms and garage as trash bill wasn't paid. We called every organization known to man, state, county and townhip.. ALLLLL told us it's not illegal to live in filth, and there was nothing they could do. We even called all the animal agencies... I will never give $$ again to any of them, they all passed the buck.
We went to the Sheriffs Dept and asked what would happen when her house was foreclosed, and were told... depite what we see on the news and movies, no sheriff actually comes to the house to remove anyone and put them on the street. WELL, thank GOD we didn't have to find out, cus I STILL don't know what happens.

I finally found out our Governor of Michigan who everyone just LOVES to complain about was going to be at a small park down the street. I wrote an essay I called, What would you do if it was your Mother, Sister or Friend, and included pictures I SNUCK of her house. Within the WEEK.. all the people I called were told to TAKE CARE OF THIS. Kim was in a Mental ward for months, then an adult foster care home, now our home for 3 years now. THANK YOU GOVERNOR!


It makes me SICK how our country treats our sick and people who are ill and affected mentally. Kim used to HELP people who are like her, she would NEVER EVER want to live like this.

Sorry, I guess I stepped on your post didn't I?
All I can say is KEEP CALLING PEOPLE. You may hit on a sympathetic ear. Document everyone you call and follow up. Go to Friend of the Court, go to Area Agency for the Aging in your state.. Threaten to sue the Assisted Living place and tell them it's THEIR responsibility to find him placement,, they canNOT just dump him. THrow it in THEIR lap. Best of luck to you Pat

Welcome. I'm sorry I don't have much advice for your particular situation, since my Mom is in early-mid-stage & my Dad is still taking care of her. But I can relate to having a parent diagnosed so long after symptoms. I hope you find help and support here. Scroll just a few pages back; there have been others with very similar situations, and you could benefit from those responses while you're still waiting for more here.

thank you sara and pat.

The assisted living place is a woman's personal business and not official as there were never any contracts signed. She is holding firm in the fact that my father is going to be evicted at the end of the month. And I must admit considering the regard in which he treats people I do not blame her. I do have power of attorney(much to my fathers chagrin) but have been told by his local ombudsman that I do not have the power to have him placed somewhere while he still has the capacity for self determination. He will not talk to me about the situation. How do I get anyone with any power to step in. I have huge difficulty talking to anyone on the phone as it is usually a matter of minutes before I'm a sobbing mess. And when I get off the phone i am so upset i can rarely remember half of what is said. I have never felt so worthless at being a person.

You are fine at being a person.. you are dealing with entities that are bad at being people.

welcome to the forum . I am sorry to hear about your Dad . I would like to mention that your Dad has proably been affected by HD for many , many years . If there were times when he was a good Dad , then , that was proably his true self .Something I have tried to do in difficult situations , is have a 'go to saying' all ready in my mind , that is noncommittal . For example ; ( That is such an important subject , I am going to have to get back to you , after I have given it serious consideration . ) or ( What would you do in the same situation , as myself . ) etc.,etc... Try to get use to the times when no one is saying anything ,which is right after they have tried to pressure you into a situation , that helps them and not yourself . Let the other person fill-up that silence , make them think you cannot change the situation . I hope I am explaining myself well enough , to you .Don't rush your decisions if at all possible . Once again welcome . All my best thoughts going your way . db

Hi and welcome - Do you have any support system in place? Family, friends, therapist? My Father in law was diagnosed around the same age as your dad and also had had symptoms for a few years prior. It is so hard on the entire family. I don't have any practical advice for your situation with your dad. My only advice is to seek out a support system for yourself... and NEVER feel in adequate or at fault... HD creates very difficult situations, moral dilemmas - like what you said "How do you love someone who you do not like and who thinks nothing of you" that is an extremely complex situation... and it's not just anyone - it is your dad. No one should have to deal with a situation like this but here we are. This forum is a great place to bounce ideas... Best ofluck!