i am not on any meds yet. I have not decided what I want to do yet. I have no family and no caregiver. I have no where to go. I am not married. My children are 5 and 9.

Hi ; it's me db . I want to tell you about myself and a couple of friends . First me . A few years back I started being very anxious . There was a physical reason for that , my body was going through a lot of stress . So one of the outcomes was I became anxious . I went on Zoloft . I didn't really want to be on any medicine , but I took it . An article I read helped me . The article asked a question " If you had diabetes and needed medicine , would you not take the medicine ? Of course you would . anxieties and depressions and obsessions also need to be treated , just like diabetes does ." within a small period of weeks I started to feel much better( Not Perfect ) but better . I could make better decisions and look at problems and find solutions easier . I have had friends in a similar situation . When they went on meds , their lives became more enjoyable to them . Meds take awhile to work . But they do work , especially when your Doctors find the right combination . With all my heart I believe you should talk to your Doctor , tell she/he how you are feeling . and remember some of those meds build up BDNF , which is really good for pHD . Please keep telling us how you feel . But share how you feel with your Doctors and your friends that are close to you . You need their love and concern . We all do . Thinking about you . db

I guess I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to with this disease. What is there to hope for? just continuing to decline? sit and wait for the next part of me to fall apart? Then land in a nursing home and die? I am just very sad and frusrtated. Thanks

But what if you could feel better ? Wouldn't you enjoy that ? Wouldn't that be encouraging for your children ? And what about your aunt who has HD , wouldn't she be pleased that your trying your best , by getting some medical help ? By finding out what meds might help , you cope and even be happy ? The first step is a Doctors appointment . Second step is telling how you feel ? Third step ask him what meds can I try . Fourth step get the prescriptions filled . Fifth step start taking the meds . ..... But , you need that first step . What about today my best. db

kag2000,

I haven't posted in a while as things have been very hectic with work lately and working lots of o.t.

But, I have stopped in to read post when I get a chance and I just wanted to comment that from the outsider looking in on your post:

IT APPEARS THAT YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION!!

You keep saying that your're feeling sad, guilty, nothing to look forward to but suffering with HD and then dying in the end.

It seems that you're looking for a purpose in all this and you see no purpose which means your death has started now. It hasn't! You have the rest of your life to live....none of us know how long that is? I could die tomorrow, but I'm not going to stop living today. An HD diagnosis is a reminder to live to the best of your ability today and every day that follows. Yes, you have to make plans for when things get more difficult (that gives us peace of mind) and then once the plans are set we continue living our lives and possibly living them to even a greater extent.
My phd spouse and I talked about where we would be buried when we die, (if I go 1st- he gets to be on top We picked the site and made plans and after that we were in such a good mood for the rest of the day. We took control and it was peace of mind to us.
Any disease diagnosis reminds us that we will all die one day and we take stock and start doing what's important to us now.

I just wanted to make sure that you were told in no uncertain terms that you ARE "DEPRESSED" and you need to get treatment so you can start really living your life to the full extent that it was meant to be. Don't start dying today and waiting for the hearse to pick you up. you don't have to live like that there is help! See a Dr. and pay the 1x office visit and get a prescription. Call your county health department and find out which agency helps with prescription cost for the uninsured. There are places to help.

Kag

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. And I am so sorry you are struggling to make sense of this and to figure out what to do. You have expressed so many different emotions to us. All of us are here for you. We are trying to find the words that will make you want to fight. We are trying to find the words that will make you want to get up and do something. I can understand why you feel guilty and why you feel there is no reason to hope. One day, hopefully soon, you will realize that guilt and hopelessness will not get you anywhere. It will keep you in the place you're at right now. Somehow you need to find the inspiration to do something about this. When you do please go back and read all the suggestions everyone has made to you. There are really good recommendations from people who know exactly how you feel, people who have fought the same battle. In the meantime, keep talking to us. We will always be here.