How To Install A Home Security System

How To Install a Home Security System

1. Go to a thrift store and buy a pair of used men's work boots, size 14-16.
2. Put them on your front porch, muddy, on top of a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Place a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba:

Big Jim, Duke, Slim and I went for more ammo. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they chewed up the mailman pretty bad this morning. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.