Since I took my Wife's keys, she has been so depressed and angry. Every sentance she has spoken to me this month is related to her keys and how everyone, including me, is out to harm her.

I've been away at work during the week, so when I call, it is immediately "where are my keys!" and how bad I treat her. She sometimes has me believing that she could still drive, but then I realize that is just MY denial

I don't think it will never get better since I have stopped trying to hide her symptoms from her.

They can really put a guilt trip on you can't they? My husband still gets in moods where he swears there are people worse off than him who still drive. I just tell him maybe there are but that doesn't make it right. Hang in there, you'd feel a whole lot worse if she got in the car and accidentally harmed somebody.

Definately doing the right thing JFB. Just be extra nice to ya lady until she forgives you

[www.hdyo.org]

Thanks, i needed to hear that....

Marg, but I have come to realize they do make a valid point.

How is it that drunks and criminals can still have the "privilage" to drive. All it took was a DL examinar to click on the computer she needed a "medial exmination" and from what I've read, it will now take several doctors and lawyers to have DL issued (even if it was possible for improvement with meds)

After several accidents that drove my auto insurance premiums through the roof (insurance cancelled and put on state surplus program) I finally contacted the Texas Department of Public Safety and suggested that they have her tested at the next opportunity for medical reasons. I assumed she would fail the test and that would be that. She did fail, but the Texas Department of Public Safety (bless their bureaucratic hearts) gave her every opportunity to pass the test. I drove her to the test center several times (I never confessed to putting her in this situation even though it was for her own safety as well as my pocket book.) Somewhere around the sixth attempt to pass the written test she was successful. Of course she failed the driving test and was NEVER going to pass that. I think after the 2nd or 3rd attempt at the driving test the officer told her that he didn't expect that he would ever pass her and she finally gave up ("until she moved to another state".

There is nothing pleasant for anyone about pulling someone's keys - but then if she had killed herself, my daughter or someone else then who would I have blamed?

Steve

I was just talking the other day about when we took dads keys and car from him--it was the most difficult thing for him to deal w/at that time. he did soon realize or at least come to terms w/it.....hopefully she will come to the realization that it is for the best, if not, as mentioned prior, you know it is the best decision for all envolved---You are in my thoughts

DCB
*Living for today*

It was very hard with my Mom also. We have just taken away her lighters and her credit cards (because she has in the past used the credit card to hire a cab to get lighters - she is very clever!). She wants to maintain some independence and she is in her own condo for now with someone coming in about 3 hours a day (at which time she is free to smoke). Hope things get better with your wife - it seems that pHDs can be somewhat obsessive. My Mom calls me 10 times in a row in about a half hour sometimes if something is bugging her.

I think it is very hard in some phds to change their thoughts about the way they presume things should be. They always drove so why not just continue doing that.
Once my husband told me that on his way home from work the driver in the next lane keep beeping at him, "I must have been doing something wrong" he said to me. He just could not understand what he had done wrong or more importantly the consequence of what might happen.
There was no way he would have given up driving on his own without prompting on my part and the doctor. Once he did it was much easier on him, something less to try to figure out how to do. I think it took the pressure off him.

JFB you did the right thing. When I took my husbands keys away from him he called me every name in the book +some that's not he felt he lost his indepence as he was a saleman and travels a lot he soon came to realize that he couldn't drive.Hang in there she'll soon realize you did it for her safety.

BJ from Mich

JFB I do not intend to be discouraging , but , I maybe . With my Mom and others that I now know that have HD , their mind set , on a subject , does not hardly ever change . We have found that we have to change how we respond in word and actions . We have had good success in using mantras . Using the same phrases over and over in situations that are going to reoccur . My example might be your wife . You have proably tried to reason with her about the car . You have proably tried to reason many times with her on this subject . If it was me , I would try , changing the subject , immediately ; or , agreeing briefly , " It is the pitts , that you have a disease that takes away some of the things you love to do , I love you , I wish I could change it ." Now my Mom would hear that and still get upset with us for the situation . My Dad always told us there were times he had to get tuff with himself and not dwell on how upsetting a situation was . That is not easy , but it gets easier as you apply it in your life . You need to have positive thoughts you can challenge your brain to think about . I hope I am explaining myself well enough . The bottom line is , some thought patterns , never go away for pHD's . Our thought patterns have to . All of my best thoughts. db



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/18/2008 10:54AM by db.

one thing mentioned,

I still can not tell her directly she has HD, I still find my self saying things like she has motor control and judgement problems.

My husband still drives minimally. I am fortunate as he recognizes it makes him nervous to drive in heavy traffic or larger places he is not as familiar with and he lets me drive.
He has on occasion talked about not wanting to lose his driving privilege.
I have sympathized with him and told him I understand as I wouldn't either but when that time comes that there are two of us to help each other out and I will be there to drive him wherever he wants as I have told him he will be there to help me with other needs I have. That seems to help a bit and I mean what I say.
He has also said he doesn't want to go to his dr at times because he is afraid the dr may get his license taken away. I have told him he doesn't have to worry, however, that if I feel he shouldn't be driving that I will say something as he would never forgive himself for taking the live of an innocent person.
I know it is very hard on him as it is on all but it seems by sympathizing with him and letting him know that I realize how he feels and that by letting him know there are two of us to help each other it seems to help a bit. I tell him that we will get through this together-that we are both in this together.
I hope you find something to tell her that maybe lessens her feelings but if not it may just take time and you did do the right thing! Many
times the right thing is the hardest thing. You know you were right in what you did and the replies to your email substantiate that thought.

Shar your doing well and I am sure hubby feels the same . db

is your wife home alone just a ?...................

if she is alone there is no one to get her off the subject

she is,

Hi

i have hd, cag count 45. I noticed when I got off the route that I usually take going to my brother, it really scared me. this is a 5 hour trip for me, this year it took 7 hours. I go home to my brother's at least once a year. This year I took the wrong exit in a very unformelar part of town. Which this part of town was where i was reaised until we moved to WV, when I was 15. I never thought I would no be able to figure out whare I was. It was the most stressful thing that i have went thru. My judgement on my driving is terreble. I know myself that I shouldn't be driving. But my husband won't pay his tickets he has, I really have alott ofstress from this. He drives around without a drriversliscence. I want to give up driving, but he won't let me.
I am scared I will get in an accident and get hurt, or harm someone else.

JFB,

I felt the same way when I took the keys from my wife. It's a terrible milestone and it made me feel upset for a variety of reasons.

The difference is that I got my wife to come to the same decison, and she gave up the keys and accepted it.

The reasoning I used was simple. I told her that the worst thing she could do is not hurt herself, but was to hurt someone else. I told her that we cannot afford an accident like that if she was found to be undable to drive, there are just too many legal issues.

We stood to lose all we had together worked for if she made a mistake.

I also warned her that if she was to drive with our son and he was hurt, how would she feel? It was obvious that she had problems. She had wrecked every car I had in the last 3 years prior to that milestone.

She knew it. She couldn't dispute it. She accepted it with the caveot that I be sure to take her where SHE Wanted to go. I was happy to oblige.

I missed her being able to drive, but after a few months I never heard another word about it.

My problem is the wife does not feel she has any problems driving.


The problem of convinicing her has just got much worst. I believe she has agrovated the neuro enough, he has agreed to fill out the papers to let her keep her license. This has made her estacilly happy. However, it was not acceptable to the state.

I now dread going home

Joe, how are the anti depressant meds working for your wife?