I have a younger sister who for most all of her life has been in some type of substance abuse. From drunk on a sidewalk in High School to threatening me with a knife while high on pot. For a few years you held a job, had a boyfriend and you had your only child - a son. But then she shoplifted and another time hit a car while intoxicated and landed in jail. Her now ex-boyfriend left with her son and moved across the country to NJ. Upon release from jail I encouraged her to follow and be a part of his life. He was only two. Today he is 22.
In a nutshell she has stolen from myself and others, been unable to keep a job for longer than a year, usually only months. Constant tardiness and who knows what else was to blame - usually someone or something else. Requests and pleas for money were graciously supplied as best we all could always with the caveat that "this was the last time from her and then us. We could never figure out where all your money would go. Turns out drugs and now alcohol is a large part of that equation.
But herein lies the dilemma. After repeated treatments and assistance from others including us her family she makes choices while sober that are extremely dangerous. She meets guys online and meets them in hopes one will sweep her off her feet and is always surprised when they want only one thing. She has met wealthy men in high positions including one who got so mad at her he tried to strangle her and she is now extorting him for money. I looked up who he is and he certainly has a lot to lose but I don't support extortion or any type of arrangement these two made. She is prostituting herself on a dating website. When she does have money she doesn't save it for rent she buys things that she doesn't need like sexy nighties for her dates
This so reads like a soap opera. I am basically the only one who will talk to her because she usually calls drunk, in a temper or making rude comments like she wants to buy my sister and I these sex toys she has so we can enjoy them too. We let her know that we did not want them nor did we want to know her story about them. She continues to enjoy trying to shock us. We no longer give her money and have tried to give her places to get help. She refuses it so we all have had to limit our contact with her. Lately suicide threats have come including detailed instructions on what to do with her body. (I tried to get her to go to a hospital or tell me where she is so I can call 9-11 with no success).
Yesterday I received another such text (the second) and called her. She was sober and sobbing. She just didn't care anymore and wouldn't tell me where she was. She has one friend whom she once gave me his number. After calling him a few times he called back and we spoke at length. He is a huge enabler but he feels he loves her. She was sober once for 7 months with his support but then on one of her online dates she was offered a drink and ended up drunk with the guy asking her to leave. This has happened multiple times. He believes he is in love with her but she told him she isn't attracted to him and he is just her best friend.
Recently she had a place to stay for a month when she was evicted from her apartment with a guy she knew in exchange for cooking and cleaning. She raided all his liquor and went into a neighbors home somehow and stole their liquor. He kicked her out and her friend found her on the beach riding a bike in her underware - soiled and drunk. (He can't take her in as he is 56 years old and lives with his folks while waiting for his house to sell after a divorce).
So back to yesterday, she asks him to pick her up because the motel she is at kicks them out by noon. She says she is hungry and steals a piece of pizza (she has $800.00 in the bank) from a store and gets busted. She is now in jail on a $5,000 bond. NOBODY is paying it. She needs to be there. She dreams of getting all kinds of cosmetic and body surgery to remake her body and then open a web site where she makes money doing who knows what. These things are not realistic but she does not live in the real world.
So here I am working on having very healthy boundaries and I do not know what is going on. I know it is substance driven but when sober there is no realistic plan. Her plans makes sense to her but they don't to anyone else. She will die drinking, at some strangers hands or who knows what. And it breaks my heart. I know I have done what I can and I know what I should not do. At the end of the day she insists she is fine and doesn't believe she has a problem or HD.
I think I needed to vent here so bad because my HD community family would perhaps understand some of what I am experiencing.
I used to be very involved and known in the online HD community while I was at risk. I tested negative and lost my mom to HD. I wish this didn't cause me such deep sadness but it does and while my siblings are like..sad but her choice (which is true) my heart seems to be the only one breaking.
Anyone here been through something even remotely like this? I just needed to talk. Thank you.
Jvabean/aka Julie