We met a year ago in Germany and sparks flew high above us with unexpected attraction. I had to leave to London for work but during these 6 days we sent each other text messages and emails. we were so open to one another (about feelings and emotions). I basically was falling for her.

Two months later she came to stay with me for two weeks in New York (where I live). The first night was great. The following 13 days were incredible.

But *something* caught my eye on that first night. We were lying in bed both staring at the ceiling then her head abruptly turned towards me. In my mind I thought that was strange(!)

I had dated a woman that had a mental disorder and for a minute I thought, she could have this to. But I made no comment to her when she did it. Then she did it again shortly after.

The days went by great. She departed back to Berlin with small tears running down her cheek. I knew I had fallen for this person, super hard.

Three months had passed and she had Skyped me crying one night, telling me how empty she was feeling and that she doesn't feel empty when she talks to me BUT said she wanted to be friends. Wait, you feel empty and love me but you want to be friends? This was just one instance of a long string of indecisiveness, of telling me one thing then acting in a totally different way.

I love this woman, SO MUCH. Just wanted to pause and say that.

Five months later, January of this year, she had to tell me something and that was that a family member had died from HD. I had no idea what HD was at that moment. I thought ok. Are you okay? But there was something in her eyes, this hunting look, a lost soul of some type that glimmered from her face. I've never witnessed such a look in my life.

She continued to tell me that she may have to be tested and that her father has HD. And that she had a 50% chance of inheriting this devastating disease. She thought I would turn my back on her as she continued talking but I told her I will be there with you.

I noticed HER ARM MOVING away from her face involuntarily, many times during this conversation, but I thought nothing of it. (I'm still in NYC throughout this time)

What really got to me was her indecisiveness, her indifference with things (I would show her my most personal works and she thought nothing of it, like just pushed them aside. This hurt me time and time again; her saying I love you so much then wanting to be friends. There was a point I purchased tickets to go see her -- she agreed that It would be great for me to be there with her -- but she reacted with impulse and came up with a reason for me not to go, last minute.

Her results are coming in in four weeks. Does she have it? She thinks she does then she hints she doesn't. Is she in denial? She cried a few weeks ago cause her arm was moving more and more, by itself. She's 35 and her father is 68.

help... in a pit of emotional incoherence.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/22/2014 06:48PM by franklin86.

You will find out in four weeks whether her symptoms are caused by HD or by the stress of worrying about HD.

Either way, there is no need to rush into making a commitment. There are things you love about her and things that give you pause, just as with anyone to whom we might be attracted and pursuing a relationship. At some point, you will need to decide whether the things you don't like are deal-breakers.

I know that HD complicates everything and if she does test positive, you will need to think about the implications, but regardless, my advice is the same as it would be for anyone in a new relationship, slow down and take your time!

Thanks, I needed to hear that. Slow it down...