Perfect ,timming to read that as i too question my own.
A person can not go living in the flight to fight mode for years and years and not have damage.
I was at my counslers yesterday ,not for HD ,but of course it came up.
I told her it wont take much to break the dam ,and she said what will that look like.
I said then end i will not be able to function.
She asked me how was my stress level i said im okay ,on a scale of 1-10 iam a 8 most days and 10 for moments
of everyday,but well im used to it i said so iam okay.
But she said if anyone else had your stress load could they cope ,I said oh god no not a hope.
What keeps me going mentally is denial,fear,dissasociation and for some reason i have developed some kind of coping
skill i have no ability to let time build up in my head.
Like im in the day that never ended.
Maybe its a good thing.
My husband got the psycoshis part of it bad,he saw people ,talked to them,believed them,fought with them,he and
his friend Jeffery did everything together,His mind was gone.
But if you asked him do you want dinner or are you ready to go to bed he knew the right answer.
Now who was insane me or him.But we guarded him for years,Even we had fun with jeffery too.
Till one day jeffery bought an angry friend with him.
Thank goodness the friend never followed him to the hospital that night,but jeffery did ,but not for long he left
us .
To this day we still joke about jeffery,he was real to my husband
As humans our brains know how to keep us alive ,overloaded or not still needs to function.
We all find our little ways to get through it all sane or not.
Some will question it,but if they knew where we have been and where we are going and going we are this disease
doesnt stop.
I told the counsler in a kinda assertive way to let her know there is no dam way you could ever ever know this life
and dont think you can fix it or change it cause you cant.
Dark Thought heck yah,they are real ,they are apart of this disease.
Insane for having dark thoughts maybe but i dont think so ,i think we all need hope and some time hope comes from the
from just knowing i can end it all at any time,would i NO ,I COULD NEVER DO THAT .But does it erase the thought
no.
Am i insane,no ,maybe ,i dont know,some days i wonder.
Im having a Hard time right now,depression is raging,anxiety is so high,living in constant fear,i lost my rights to
the public trustee and they will notify me when they get the certificate that they are taking over his finances as i
could no longer financially afford to make up the rent difference ,and well my mental statis was of the mind of
i will do it tomorrow just could deal with it anymore.I was warned ,but i didnt have the ability to see the seriosness
of it.
I stopped functioning along long time ago.went into my own dream world.
We are all just human and we all have limits ,but when HD is in your life you learn your limits cannot have limits
you need to keep going and going and going,and that is what i will do.But in my own way.
Finding hope,in the smallest things yah .today hope is tomorrow is my day off ,i can spend more time with him.

Bothfeet.
Gosh...You have spoken for me! You are correct in that a Dr, or counsler can not know what life is like and their "solutions" are just pie in the sky.

the point of there is no limits is so true. If you just need to "step away" for a minute to regain composure, that is not an option. You just have to keep bearing more.

Besides the emotional and mental, the physical is my may concern now. There are times I know I probably should go to the ER and verify my EKG is normal, but there is no time to even sit down for a minute, just try to find a second to pop a nitro and continue. And when i don't think I can even get myuself up is when the falls seem to be the most fequent. while I heard lift a dead weight is hard, trying to lift some one that seems to do every thing opposite is a whole lot worse

Thank you thank you for answering my post ,made me feel so validated that what i feel is real not insanity.
I could tell you to go the ER ,but hey i know you have the same attitude as i do.I will I will .
Hugs big hugs ,just good to vent some times isnt it.
Off to work now ,but yah i took an Ativan to get me there,some days are just what i need to do for me when i cant
do for myself. RELAX. bye