Hi everyone,

I've posted here one other time and the responses really helped, so I thought I'd give it another shot (mainly just to vent). I'm 23 years old and my father has HD, along with being an alcoholic. He has had it for about 8 years now and things are getting worse and worse each day. He is to the point where every little thing sets him off into a rage. We can barely go together anywhere anymore because other cars on the road make him angry. I get so mad and confused as to why the smallest things set him off, but then i realize i know he can't control it. I am the only person that takes care of him, he has nobody else, so when he is angry..i get the wrath. The verbal abuse has gotten much worse, saying things to me that I never expected my own father to say to his daughter. The physical abuse has only happened twice, but im scared that it will soon progress and get worse as well. Then the next day everything will be ok again, like nothing ever happened. No apology, no nothing. I think that might be the hardest part. Having someone hurt you so much emotionally and then not even remembering or acknowledging it the next day, while i have to pretend that everything is ok too because bringing it up again does nothing but make him even more angry. As if im accusing him of something he didnt do. I just don't know what to do anymore. He has been evicted from two apartments already for causing trouble, and is now staying in a hotel. We have applied to several different apartment complexes and nobody will take him due to the evictions. Is there any type of medication available that can somewhat control the anger and outbursts? I have tried getting him to go to AA, because alcohol only fuels his fire, but he just wont go. I dont know how much time he has left and I dont want my good memories of him to be overrun by the drunken angry person he has become. Also I got tested for HD earlier this year and I tested positive. I kind of wish i hadn't. I see him go through this and can't help but think, is this what i will be like too? Who is going to want to take care of someone like that? I just feel a sense of hopelessness and I'm running out of patience with my dad. Any advice or feedback would be appreciated. Thank you all for taking the time to read this.

I feel so sorry for what you are going through...I hope I can give you some hope. ( I need some hope myself !)

My wife went through a very angry all the time at every thing period. I don't know why, but every thing the medical profession gave her (or wanted to give her) just made things worse. (the HD specailist wanted to get her on TBZ before her movements got noticable! ).

When I thought I could take no more, I asked the family Dr for a benzodiazephine (Lorazepam) for when she got extremly anger and an SSRI (Lexapro) for daily at a low dosage. I can't recall how long it took, but these were something she continued to take and not make her feel strange and eventially my wife returned. this has worked well for several years with a slight increased for SSRI and the benzod became nightly.

As for the swings, the wife could be threating to kill me for hours on end, then abruptly stop and within an hour forgotten all about it. I quickly learned not to attempt to "talk about" what ever made her anger once she calmed down as there was no reasoning and the anger started over

I am also sorry for what you are going thru. I am going thru this same thing with my husband, minus him being an alcoholic. He is ALWAYS ,mad a me....I have a post on here called "my story" I too feel like I have no hope....I am so sick of people saying "he is sick." I know he is sick and I hate it but why is it he can control himself around everyone else but me and my two foster boys. we can't sit in the same room for more than five minutes and he's started a fight with one of us. I am sooo miserable and so tired of this. He was only diagnosed in Aug. of 2013. but it seems like forever. I can't even begin to tell you of all the mean, terrible things he says to me and the boys. He is an absolute monster to us. I am finding it harder and harder to remember the man I married but I have to remember my vows, that I will stand beside him thru this. This is a very big load for a child to carry....if possible try to find a support group at church or somewhere. I will be praying for you.
Liz

First of all you are carrying way too heavy a load for your age when you should be enjoying life. You need to get some help. Is there anyone that can help you - friends, relatives, etc.
Also, if you can get him to a doctor or psychiatrist they could prescribe him a couple medications that may change him totally for the better.
An antidepressant is normal and something like zyprexa or risperdol can be a tremendous help.
Good luck to you - my prayers are with you.

I am dealing with the SAME things from my 38 year old son. His Dad had HD and died at 53. My son has been a miserable person to live with for the past 8 years. Always drunk, and of course, really abusive verbally. It is exhausting, to say the least. He's been through at least 5 medical detoxes and then straightened out for a while long enough to let the meds help him. Then the cycle returns.............drops the meds, starts drinking, and continuing with the mean words. I am completely worn out from it all. I think his liver is starting to give now, and so he's sick with that as well.............my daughter has it too and she has 4 children...............but she is never abusive when I see her. The other people on here are right, you are way too young to have this in your life. I know it's hard because it's your family, but there will come a point when your health will start failing, and then it's time for big decisions. I hope that doesn't happen. As far as meds go, if the person continues drinking, the meds will not work. They act upon the same receptors in the brain, and the alcohol always wins............very dangerous to mix the two as well.................so sorry

You sound like such a kind person, but you need to be kind to yourself too. I think you should not put up with any physical abuse. The verbal abuse isn't good either since it will cause you stress. My son has issues and he has occasional rage problems (I don't think it's at all related to HD, but he is at risk). His doctor has said that the connections in his brain aren't quite right. After a meltdown, he really doesn't remember much and what he does, he blames everyone but himself. So if your father's HD has affected certain connections in his brain, he truly might not remember when he flies into a rage plus he might truly feel he's not to blame. HD affects everyone's brain differently. There are many people who don't have rages...even within the same family. So don't think that HD will affect you the same way. Anyway, I would recommend not riding in the car with him anymore. Also tell him you will leave if he gets abusive to you. Tell him that's not ok, even if he thinks you are at fault or guilty. Tell him being drunk is no excuse. Please know that you can't help him if you are hurt or messed up physically or emotionally. You need to think of yourself first. The alcohol is really making a bad situation way worse. Unfortunately there's only so much you can do. I'm very sorry to hear about all of this, but I really want you to take a good look at your safety.

There really is no reason for you to be suffering like this. You are too inexperienced to know how to handle it all. Your Dad cannot help himself and because of that you can't do much for him unless he is in the hands of a professional.
You cannot control his behavior, after all he is your father.
What you can do is get help for yourself. If you have the gene you should contact a center of Excellent for HD where you can be given advise as to where to start. Once you have control of your own path in life then you might be able to have a better relationship with your Dad.
It sounds as if you live with your Dad. Probably not the best idea for now. Is there another family member or friend you can move in with? It is difficult I know but you really can't depend upon your Dad to be there for you. He probably at some point will need to go into a nursing home where HD is understood and the professionals will take care of him. Believe me that would be the best course. Which state do you live in? Good Luck

My mother in law was an alcoholic and was verbally abusive to everyone. She was living in a trailer in a trailer park. It got so bad that the home help she received through medicaid and the neighbor we paid both quit (after many years). We didn't know she had HD. My husband was listed as her POA in case there was ever a need. Wow! We never suspected what a need there would be! My husband and I live in a different state. A cousin called and said my mil wouldn't leave her bed - even to use the restroom. So, we called the police to do a welfare check. They called EMS and they took her to emergency. The ER doc sent her to a psychiatric facility and had her tested for HD. We had never heard of HD before and knew of no one in the family that had it. Of course, no drinking is allowed in the hospital or psych hospital. A month later she was transferred to a nursing home. A month later we got the results that she was HD positive. Then another month after that we transferred her to a better nursing home. So, she has been alcohol free since late October 2013...about 6 months now. She is doing SO much better! We can understand her when she speaks and she and her environment are much cleaner, healthier, and more positive with more social interaction. Her nurses tell me she is her usual "kind" self! The first time I heard that, I had to confirm we were talking about the right person! Are you his POA? If there is anyway to make that happen, I would. Then, I would work on getting a doctor to say that your father is incapable of making his own decisions. At that point, you can have him admitted to a nursing home. It took many years and calls for welfare checks before we got a doc with a brain who said she was incapable of making her own decisions so that my husband could take care of things for her. We have realized that her father probably had HD, but the symptoms were masked by a stroke. Also, his mother was diagnosed with Parkinsons. Which was probably a misdiagnoses. I hope for the best for you. God will work it out. He has and is for us. You definitely need to stop seeing him until you can get him admitted somewhere. The true dad (under the HD and alcohol) would not want you to be around him when he is hurting you emotionally or physically.

Amber is so right on target. Sounds as if your Dad is in need of lots of help from the state.. You job is to work on the help that the state needs to provide for a person diagnosed with HD who is just incapable of providing and protecting himself and others. Everything must be documented before they will step in, but the very best place for him is a place where he will be taken care of and given medication not alcohol. He is very depressed and using the alcohol to self medcate. Don't allow anyone to tell you that if he dosen't want help that nothing will be done. Because of the disease and now alcohol he is incapable of making that judgement about himself. Once he is off alchohol and on medication there will be a world of difference. He needs professional help in a controlled environment.

I agree with all of the others who have commented here. It is necessary and "okay" for you to set boundaries with your dad, there are medications to help with these Rage and Anger symptoms but he has to want to feel better. He needs to get off alcohol, give him a list of detox places and make him take the next step. No meds will be effective or safe until he is off alcohol, it just does not mix with HD. Be firm and look at the long haul...tough love now will give you both the best life in the future. Step back from this, your safety and sanity is top priority.

So sorry this has fallen on your very young shoulders...God bless.

Carla

First if all, I am sorry you have to go thorugh this... My mom just recently passed and in the beginning of her HD she was violent both physically and verbally with my dad. Her triggers were the evening news so it got to the point where my dad couldn't watch any type of newscast. That was before she was medicated though... Once I stepped in and got her diagnosed and on proper meds, she went back to her docile self.

Her mood swings got so bad that she was watching my kids one day while I took dad to the doctor... We got a call from my oldest (11 @ the time) saying that Grandma is going nuts and screaming at us! OMG!!! we got home right away! On the phone line I hear my 8 year old tell my mom "Go to your room, grandma!" you know what? She did... Im sure she was mortified that the mood swing hit her in front of her beloved grand babies and it was enough to pull her out of it. Needless to say, we never left her alone with them again... It was sad.

My moms dad passed away of HD and her younger brother has been diagnosed as well. I am afraid to be tested however. I know the symptoms and so do my children because we cared for my mom after my dad passed away. So, I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing that I am going to get sick at some specified age. If I am going to get sick it will be at around the same age as my mom got sick ( mid to late fifties) so, I have some time and want to live without worrying.

Take care of YOURSELF!! You can't help your dad if he doesn't want the help with the alcohol. I think the best advice is to have him deemed incompetent by the state so that he can't make those choices anymore. You will be able to put him into an environment where he can be medicated and be able to live out whatever life he has left with minimal suffering. Your relationship with him will be able to be salvaged once he is put on some medications and is taken of the booze.

Take care!
Diana