Since finding about HD in my family and me possibly having it, I have found myself in several selfish moments.

A friend get's in a fight with her parents over whether or not she should get a dog, she is hysterically upset and all I can think is, really? You're crying over that? My family and I essentially have a death sentence in front of us and you don't see ME crying.

Two good friends of ours broke up, and neither one of them seems to have what it takes to get their head clear...really? I have this death sentence in front of me and my head is the clearest of us three?

I guess ultimately this gives me a whole new perspective on life, why sit around worrying about the small stuff? Life is way too short, and can change at any time...so really, why let your life turn upside down over something that really is very minor in the grand scheme of things?! Does this make me stronger? Or does this just make me a selfish ass? I'm not quite sure, but I know for a fact that there are people much worse off than me, and I'm just starting to realize how they must feel when people start to complain. Do I know if I have Huntington's Disease or not yet, no. But do I already have family members whom do have it, and is effecting their lives. That in itself, is scary enough.

I can't tell if i'm just going through the grieving processes and am currently in the anger stage, or if things like this really do just give you a new perspective.


Thanks for reading my ramble.

katierae13 wrote:
"I can't tell if i'm just going through the grieving processes and am currently in the anger stage, or if things like this really do just give you a new perspective."

My thoughts are... all three.

Greiving the loss of a family member while they are still living....where did my (fill in the appropiate family member) go, trying to accept that they're not coming back.
Angry at the HD which is at the root of this..why is this happening to me and my family..there must be something/someone to blame..right?
New perspective......holy @#$% and I thought I had problems. Can anything really prepare you for what is and what's coming?
I wrestle with the selfish thing and am grateful that I have a small family/friends team that check me when I'm in a funk.
HD reality sucks at any age.
Thank you for sharing your ramble

Katie I have never known you to be selfish. You would help some even at your own pain. I still have trouble dealing with this thing(HD). I can't see myself getting in the condition this will lead me to. Up to 6 months ago we never knew that it was in our family.I just got a book from HDSA and started to read it. I have to put it down as it scares me what my life has a head for me.

But let focus on the great things to come your wedding. That sounds like its going to be great. If anything this might help you plan for your wedding easier. Like you said not to worry about small things. I hope when you see me in CO next week you don't notice anything different with me.

What I hate about this is not knowing how quick it will come on. From what I read there is no way of telling how fast it will progress. Can some tell me if there is a way to tell how fast it is progressing. Is there any markers that you can go by to say that I am here now and in 6 months I should be here. Please let there be some way to tell what is going to happen next. I think the worst is just not knowing what tomorrow brings.

I all ready have days that I just want to scream at anyone that comes close to me. No reason just want to. So is this HD or my anger for having it.

I have felt this way for a VERY long time. I don't understand why people not only worry about their lawn, but spend $$$ to get rid of the crab grass and dandilions... it seems soooooooo stupid, and such a waste of $$. Yet I can break down and sob, if my cake falls, or I can't get a stain out of a blouse.

IDMCLEAN, I agree with not knowing WHEN things will happen. I even want to know exactly what time Steve is leaving to go see Kim at the nursing home. Time seems to be important to me. I don't know if my children have the gene and I don't know if I WANT to know. I know my step son has HD. I believe my Step daughter has HD, cus she has been VERY troubled for years. As of now, she won't allow us to see our Grandson. I'll tell you NOTHING seems important to me anymore except when will I see him again. The importance of different things seems to change all the time. A chance to go out to dinner, one day I just don't want to go, the next, I'm SOOOOOOO psyched about it! I know all this is due to HD! I &*&&^&% hate it. Pat

Hey other Vermonter! I just spent the last three years for where you are at and with my adult children. It's truly a very differcult time and believe my children and I are getting there. There is such angry and afraid for their lives and mine. I do think being on this site has been the difference for me because noone really gets this until it happens. There are good things with research and ways to keep healthy.