Tomorrow morning I go alone for my first session with a therapist from my church, and I told her it was for "marriage counseling". We never had any counseling before or after my husband's positive HD test (years ago).
After reading a lot of the postings here over the last few days I have been consumed with fear and sadness because I can see what my future will be. I am sorry I sound so self absorbed, but I am finally starting to see all our denial. My husband is out of town and doesn't know that I am going through this hard time.
Anyone have some advice for me.
When/how do I tell him and do I tell him I talked about his HD in counseling?? How much do I disclose to tomorrow about my husband's HD behavior?
Thanks so much.
A.

Is this "therapist" a psychologist or psychiatrist? Or just a social worker?

Regardless - they should never share conversations with you with your husband. That's entirely up to you.

Just to make sure, I'd get assurances from her right up front that everything you say to her will be kept in strict confidence.

Good luck!

Thanks JL! She is not a doctor and is only a trained/licensed Therapist. I am pretty sure she won't know a thing about HD. That makes it hard since people just don't understand the disease. I am NOT afraid to disclose information to her I am just concerned about this turning out of be all about the disease and I end up feeling even worse. I also don't want to be putting down my husband during the entire session! I love him so much. I know my husband will want to know what we talked about and that's where it gets hard. I know it would make him feel bad if I just talked about his personality changes and how hard he has been to live with. I just can't believe what a rough time I am having now that I have this session set up. I just can't stop thinking about it and I just feel so bad for my husband right now.
Thanks for letting me vent my fears.
K.

I know how you feel, Annette. You may end up just talking about HD. I didn't think that would help either. I only went to one session and never went back, but it actually helped a lot. The lady was a "quack" (excuse me if that sounds rude). It was so funny that I actually came out laughing. I think she thought it was because I felt so much better, but it was actually because she didn't understand my situation at all and I was just so stressed that I laughed for about 1/2 hour. The stress relieve that I got from the laughing was AWESOME! Best of luck!

Annette, just go and talk to the person.

It's only an appointment.It's not like you are having a party with all single men while he's out of town.

You must be a good wife to be so concerned about even mentioning the HD. Lots of wives just leave and never return.

I find it amusing that you are so stressed about it. It's just a talking session. It's not a final exam

If you don't like it, never go again. If you do like it, use it to help you and your husband. It might be interesting. If it isn't and you think the person is a waste of time, at least you made the attempt.

It can't hurt.

Your right Fred! Thanks for helping me keep it all in perspective. But I can't help it if I feel like I do and I think it's because this is a first step for me. YES I hope I am a good wife and that's why I want to make my marriage work/be better!
It's always interesting to get the male perpective that's for sure. I know it's crazy to feel so stressed about just a counseling session, that's why I mentioned it. But I don't know why you would find my stress "amusing"???? I am the MOST concerned about my husband's feelings/health/HD and my marriage that's why I am stressed! But I will just try to relax and not worry so much.
A.

Because it's not really a big deal. You are making it a big deal.

You felt like you needed help and you sought it out.

I didn't mean it in a bad way. You are fretting because you are going to see somebody to talk.

Go and talk. Don't be stressed. You are the one that wanted it, so do it.

Annette,

With HD, there are a lot of first steps. You must get credible information anywhere you can get it. There are many issues that you will have to deal with, and they can be difficult. I suggest making a list of issues and keep notes to yourself on what you learn and what you need to do.

There is a lot of planning to do. Sooner or later, you and your hubby need to understand how you hope to cope with the process, his role, your role as a caregiver, etc.

From my view, the best way to cope with "fear and sadness about the future" (your words) is to get information and make difficult decisions. If you don't, issues will just pile up on you.

Dave

Annette,

It is great that you are starting counseling. Don't look for any quick answers or quick fixes. Also, be prepared to change to a psychologist or psychiatrist. There is not a fine line between quacks and good, knowledgeable helpful counseling. There are many, many quacks as therapists so don't be afraid to change direction and get someone more qualified.

As for the counseling process. It takes a long time to get results so don't lose confidence. Hang in there and try to go weekly or bi-weekly for months. It takes months to determine if it is helpful and it takes years to get the full benefits of counseling. The sooner you start and the longer you hang in there the better you will feel.

Dave and Mark gave very good advice.

Fred - with all due respect, you don't get to decide what's a "big deal" to another person. If it's a big deal to them, it's a big deal. If it's stressful to them, it's stressful.

I agree that Annette must be a good wife to be so concerned. It's all too true that many spouses just leave.

Mine did.

I can decide whatever I like JL. Really.

Annette, I have HD in so far manageable symptoms. I've been going to a psychologist weekly for a year, and it has helped me enormously. I hope your therapist is the right person for you. Give her a chance to learn with you about HD. Just because someone doesn't know about HD doesn't mean they can't learn and help you along the way. I noticed some people here putting down counseling like it wont' help at all. It is up to you and the therapist to make it work, and if you find the right match for yourself, it will be so much better to have someone to share your hard times with. My husband suffers from a major mental health problem and I have suffered a lot of depression because of this situation plus my HD. But I've come a long way since a year ago. I hope you can find help.

Annette,

I am very new to this site and was looking over some old posts and found yours.

I am basically where you are....my husband is at risk and i have handled it for years but am almost to my wits end. I seem to have no patients with him, I watch his every move and try to see symptoms in everything he does...I know it drives him crazy and me too!!

I know I need counseling but don't know where to turn....Please let me khow how your session went and how you are doing now.