Hello all, I have recently become acquainted with HD. I have become good friends with a guy that was divorced secondary to behavioral changes. He was diagnosed 7 years ago after early behavioral changes and he and his wife separated. Because of the separation, he also was separated from his children. He was the breadwinner and provider but HD gradually decreased this ability. He now lives alone. His children do not visit much--every 3 months, despite living about 20 minutes away. They did not visit him on Thanksgiving or Christmas. His former wife has recently started dating someone seriously. He reports that he sends them emails daily to tell them that he loves them. Occasionally, there is a response. We have much in common and are close in age. There is a definite chemistry. We talked almost daily for several months. However, our feelings toward each other were not expressed. Courageously, I asked him to meet with me so we could talk honestly about our relationship. We met and both admitted to having feelings for one another. He was noticeably nervous and anxious when we were talking. He told me that I needed to understand that there was no potential for us to be in a relationship. He told me that I needed to go on. He said that he could not be in another relationship with a female ever because he has no libido and because he said our relationship would be like a child and parent instead of two equals. He continued to tell me that I needed to move on just like his former wife has. He was adamant that he would never be in another relationship until his death. When I confronted him about things he had said to me that were the opposite, such as, telling me a month prior that he did not want to die alone. He looked at me and said, "Not right now. In this moment, I am telling you that there is no potential." We have talked since but not much. He will not reciprocate. I feel very sad about this and I am having trouble making sense of it. If anyone reading this, has any thoughts, advice, or suggestions; it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I don't mean to sound callous, well maybe I do, because I don't understand what you don't understand about this. I don't get it. He told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship, it seems to me he had enjoyed having a friend, but he did not want to go through the pain of another relationship. What don't you understand about that

What I'm trying to say is this. Of course he has told you he doesn't want to die alone, nobody does. And yes, he is still human if he says he has feelings for you. He is telling you, not just out of pity for you, but also for his own sake, he does not want a relationship that is and would be his new reality. He's not just trying to spare you. Quite obviously, that type of relationship would be painful for him too. And so I don't understand what you don't understand about this. By getting together and talking about feelings, it crossed the border from friendship to relationship, and he does not want that, and so this obviously kind of ruins the friendship now, because borders have been crossed. This is sad, because he probably could have used a friend, now he cannot even be comfortable with the friendship. What don't you understand

Barb, I appreciate your input. It is difficult to describe the context of the situation in writing. His actions, prior to the conversation, clearly indicated that he wanted to be more than friends. I think, although not 100% positive, that talking about our relationship solidified the reality that we were more than friends. He expressed to me that he had feelings toward me that went beyond friendship. He seemed petrified with the possibility that he could possibly go through the same situation again. However, I am a different person with different and clear expectations of what our reality would be. In spite of this, I am willing to go the distance. I am divorced as well for 10 years. It is rare that you find a person with whom you have a strong emotional connection. I have not felt this way since my former husband. We have had very similar experiences, have the same values, the same interests, same age group, and we feel safe with one another. I do not have HD or family members with the disease. I have had much experience with illness as my immediate family has a hereditary disease that has affected aunts, siblings, grandparents, me, and my son.I was hoping to understand more deeply on another level his fears about going forward given past relationships and how low libido affects marriages and relationships from a male perspective. Being female with side effects from current medications and peri menopausal , I am used to having a low libido. It seems to impede men significantly more than women. I was wondering if anyone else had been through something similar and, if so, would be willing to share. The conversation regarding the direction of our relationship needed to be discussed as it was becoming very emotionally painful to stay at that level. I am a mature adult and I am moving forward. I fully respect his needs and wants. We have talked about boundaries and decided to decrease our contact with each other by a great degree. I am grieving the loss of our closeness and what could have been. In doing so, I am trying to process my thoughts and emotions. If some out there can relate and could share, I would appreciate it very much. Barb, thank you for you quick and honest response. I appreciate it. Wishing everyone in this forum a wonderful New Year.