My husband has Huntingtons , he can be very mean and very nice as many know, but this I have not seen discussed. For several years he wants something to be wrong with me, blames me for most things wrong in our family and says I make him worse by doing to much, is this normal maybe they do not want to be sick alone ??

He be littles and at times try to make me feel small, inadaquate and problemadtic , does this make him feel better ?? He is also Bypolar and Passive-aggressive, now when i ask a question he just repeats what i said . Feeling defeated and alone


Thanks

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I don't think it is unusual. My husband used to scream at me over and over at the top of his lungs, "Everything is your fault!" Absolutely everything that went wrong was my fault. Sometimes my daughters and I would joke about it, because it was the only way to cope without crying or screaming--like if the weather was bad or something terrible happened in the world, they would say, "this is all your fault, Mom". Sometimes humor helped, but it was still very damaging to live in an environment like this. My younger daughter is still in therapy because of it. It took me years to not take this behavior so personally. I still have some anger at him for it and for his behavior now. (he can't communicate well anymore, but the one thing he says all the time is "You suck". Imagine how that feels to hear twenty times a day!) It also took several years before he passed into another phase of the illness and he is now much more passive and not as violent or mean. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot you can do. There might be medication which could help calm him down. You need to talk to his doctor. Also, I have heard most people eventually progress to a calmer, more apathetic phase, so I hope that will happen soon for you.

It is important that you get some support and get out of the house and be around people who know that you care about you, know you are a good person and support you. Being around someone with this negative behavior is very similar to what people trapped in abusive relationships experience. Eventually, your self-esteem gets so low and you are so depressed, you can't function well. People always say it is the disease and not the person who is treating you like this, and while that is true, it is not very helpful when you are subjected to abusive behavior and hateful language day in and day out. It is still very damaging and exhausting to be around it and you must get some support. Is there a support group in your area? Do you have insurance, so you can see a therapist? It is definitely worth it. Please try--I know you must be feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, but the effort it will take to get some support is well worth it and should be a priority for you now. Best of luck!

What a kind reply , we live very rual and I have been thinking of starting a group because there are many care givers here for different things and no group , and his yelling is not at me it is at odd things like the TV or other stuff just never know , like when at a ball game type yell. We are about to be married 26 years and I have got better at not taking it personal and get out daily.
It is a terrible disease I just hate it , he has a degree in Physics , was a good teacher and I pray someday there is a cure and medication that really helps .

Thanks for responding I feel better just typing God Bless us all

I have expirienced this a lot... nothing I do is enough. Dawg is right... My husband was constantly creating fights with our girls over silly things... I usually just backed away when he tried with me. He is still "early" stage, but that has been a major early symptom. We started him on Zoloft daily and Xanax as needed (which is almost daily) in the fall and it made a huge difference with the family and work. He is still easily stressed out, but seems to have a better handle on things.

Jen

Pal
I totally understand what you are going thru and I am very sorry. This is a hard life for the care giver as well as the HD person.
I have several post on here in my blog, "my story" it gives examples of several situations thru the past 3 yrs. if you'd like to read it.
Donnie's medicine has made all the difference in the world.
Hang in there.

Liz

Will do and Thanks