My 2 younger kids and I are flying to Florida at the end of the month. My dad is not well. He has been losing tons of weight has heart problems and also had cancer. Well anyway, I'm not sure how and when to tell my husband. My guess is that he will beg me to take him and totally obsess about it. I'm afraid he will freak out. My first thought is to wait until the day before to tell him, but with not knowing how he will react I would hate to tell him and leave the nursing home with the aftermath. Hopefully he will react much differently than I expect. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Judy,
Tell him when you get home that you went to Florida.
I am having to face this new reality with Tim after his latest meltdown. It's hard for my Tim to keep it together with all the ups and downs emotionally. So I pick and choose when and if he knows about an event.
It feels like living parallel lives at times, but it keeps him on a more even keel and also everyone else.
So sorry to hear about your dad.

Take Care.

Carla

I hope your dad gets well. I hope you and your kids can relax for a few days and have some fun. I have no advice about what or when to tell your husband. Hugs!

Thanks Carla and Salamandah!
I did consider telling him after the fact, but he is used to seeing me just about everyday. I was thinking about maybe the night before. I guess part of me is feeling guilty about going, but I will feel much worse if something happens to my dad and I didn't go. Plus, I guess I rationalize it by saying that we still have to have a life and my kids need to be kids.

I think I would present it as if you had just heard about the need to go see your dad right away and then tell him you had been able to get only X number of tickets. If you think it will help, you could promise to call every day at a certain time to update him.

First I would explain that your father is extremely ill and you are worried about him. Wait a few days until that sinks in and then I would tell him that you might be going to see him for a few days, be specfic about the dates. See how he reacts to that info. Then slowly explain that you are upset and cannot consider having him on the trip because all of your attention will be on your father. Because processessing skills are slow I have found that with HD it is sometimes better to give information in small increments until it sinks in.

Wow Judy, our lives parallel again. I'm flying to Florida at the end of the month too! My parents were in a car accident in April and I'm closing up the Florida house for the summer and driving my dad home.
I told hubby I'd be going and that it wasn't a "vacation". I made it very clear that I needed to go for my dad's health and that he will be my focus. Period. End of discussion.
Then I made arrangements for people to go see him durring the 10 days I'll be gone.
I could see in his eyes that he wasn't too happy about it but I didn't give him the opportunity to discuss it. I just quickly changed the subject. I'll bring it up again right before I go and again tell him that its not a vacation.
I'll also give the nurses a heads up in case he gets out of hand. They have a 'rescue' medication they can give him when he gets aggitated.
Hope all goes well on your trip!

All very good ideas! I think I will tell him a few days ahead of time and give him time to get used to the idea. I'm planning to ask friends and family to stop by. Maybe I can actually get his brother to stop in. I have a feeling though, that no matter how I do it he will not respond well. lately he spends most of the time begging me to let him come back home.

Indigo- its totally crazy how much a like our lives are. Will you be anywhere near daytona beach? I would love to meet you. I hope that your parents are doing ok. What a scary thing. I worry about my dad so much. seeing him once a year really stinks.

I wouldn't tell him anything like that. Can you say you are doing business? I mean, he only knows what you tell him, so maybe just don't show up?

I wouldn't say a word if it were me and just not show up to the NH. See how that works.

We leave on Friday as long as the weather cooperates. My sister in law has decided that she would like to come visit on friday and tell my husband. I really hope everything goes well. I got kind of an attitude from the nursing home when I told them I would be away for a week. They have absolutely no idea how much I need this time away to visit my family. I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad about it.

absolutely you deserve this time!! Don't let the nursing home make you feel bad. I get the feeling that they rely on you to do most of the "heavy lifting" when it comes to your husband anyway. They need to do their job. What if something (god forbid) happens to you and they have to take care of him without you? Take your vacation! You deserve it!